


Shine bright like a diamond

by jarofactonbell



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Gen, M/M, Screaming, a mess, lots of memes, seventeen being weird, shade being thrown, tea being spilt, too much gossiping, weird/bad tagging, why can't i stop writing chat fics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2018-12-07 05:40:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 14,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11617065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jarofactonbell/pseuds/jarofactonbell
Summary: naegahosh: oh shiet wonton is coming back dont snitch on menaegahosh: i know all ur dirty secretsyoonangel: honfreshbuns: we know all your dirty secrets who are you trying to deludenaegahosh: salty ppl die earlier than nice ppl i hope u take notefreshbuns: im willing to take the plunge im dead inside anywayshong.j: If I'm late please don't have doubts as to where Jeonghan or Soonyoung will beseokkie: no hyung





	1. What if I get tainted with the smell of intelligence and book stuff

**Author's Note:**

> I love Seventeen and chat fics. Please be kind to me.
> 
> Names  
> Soonyoung: naegahosh  
> Jisoo: hong.j  
> Jeonghan: yoonangel  
> Seungcheol: cheollie  
> Seokmin: seokkie, angelboi  
> Seungkwan: freshbuns  
> Hansol: hansolo  
> Wonwoo: wonton  
> Jihoon: lemonfairy  
> Mingyu: mingming

**{Group chat: i sell kidneys on the side of the road}**

**[3.45 pm]**

**naegahosh:** y'all

 **naegahosh:** _o m o_

 **seokkie:** broooo wats wrong

 **yoonangel:** it better be good tea otherwise i'll flip you

 **hong.j:** Jeonghan-ah

 **naegahosh:** not important rn

 **naegahosh:** saw my man wonwoo on a date

 **naegahosh:** didnt see the kid but hes tol asf

 **seokkie:** WAIT WAIT WHOA WHOA SLOW DOWN 

 **hong.j:** Jeon Wonwoo

 **yoonangel:** GOOD TEA MY PABO I TRAINED YOU WELL

 **seokkie:** wait wat

 **yoonagel:** I MEANT *RAISED

 **yoonangel:** stupid autocorrect

 **freshbuns:** sure fam

 **yoonangel:** dear

 **freshbuns:**  i aint throwing shade here i just came for the tea

 **freshbuns:** soonyoung hyung tell us more

 **hong.j:** Why were you around the area that Wonwoo was in?

 **hong.j:** You made that whole soliloquy on how

 **hong.j:** And I quote verbatim

 **hong.j:** "Anywhere you nerdy ass is I don't wanna be associated with what if I get tainted with the smell of intelligence and book stuff"

 **freshbuns:** oh dear me hyung

 **freshbuns:** i didnt come for shade but here u r

 **freshbuns:** a whole tree worth of shade

 **naegahosh:** JISOO HYUNG Y U SO MEAN

 **hong.j:** I was asking a reasonable question

 **seokkie:** u kinda bent it a bit

 **seokkie:** but liek

 **seokkie:** yes reasonable if u look at it liek that

 **yoonangel:** sorry i needed to screenshot that and send it to my other group chats

 **yoonangel:** jisoo hyung you absolute savage

 **naegahosh:** NOOOO LEMM E EXPLAINNN

 **seokkie:** i'll rpotect u bro

 **naegahosh:** bro

 **seokkie:** bro

 **freshbuns:** okay u need to stop

 **naegahosh:** BROOOO

 **yoonangel:** KWON SOONYOUNG YOU STUPID CHILD I KNOW WHERE YOU KEEP THE PHOTOS KEEP TALKING

 **naegahosh:** WAT PHOTOS U CREEP

 **yoonangel:** OF A CERTAIN AHEM

 **seokkie:** THATS SO VAGUE???

 **freshbuns:** no its

 **freshbuns:** hmmm

 **freshbuns:** need to disclose something to us, soonyoung-ssi?

 **freshbuns:** we're all ears

 **hong.j:** Leave the poor man alone

 **hong.j:** We can expose him later

 **hong.j:** Continue please

 **hong.j:** We are not going anywhere with this conversation

 **hong.j:** Jeonghan is blocking the door

 **hong.j:** I can't get through and I have my class in 40 minutes

 **hong.j:** Just tell him and let me go

 **freshbuns:** hong jisoo

 **freshbuns:** human embodiment of solely looking after his own arse

 **yoonangel:** honey no one says arse anymore

 **freshbuns:** ur jsut old hyung everybody says arse

 **yoonangel:** buddy you wanna meet me in the pit

 **naegahosh:** HELLO ATTENTION BACK TO ME THANKS

 **naegahosh:** the dance gym got moved to where the library was

 **naegahosh:** so i was heading over there wherre across from the facilities i saw

 **naegahosh:** with my squinty lil eyes

 **naegahosh:** wonwoo and a kid holding hands and running

 **seokkie:** _bro_

 **naegahosh:** i k r

 **hong.j:** But Wonwoo

 **yoonangel:** hates physical contact

 **hong.j:** He was this close to decking me in the face last week when I put a hand on his shoulder

 **seokkie:** he nearly flipped me one time when i tried to give him a backhug

 **freshbuns:** r u sure it was him tho 

 **naegahosh:** my eyes might be smol but i have 20/20 vision bitch

 **freshbuns:** ur eyes r abt as bright as a snuffed candle dont evn

 **seokkie:** dont be mean to each other guys

 **seokkie:** lets spread love instead

 **freshbuns:** bless u and ur pure heart

 **yoonangel:** you should take note **@hong.j**

 **hong.j:** I will shove you onto the road don't try me

 **freshbuns:** breaking news: college student run over by car to death because of irritating comments made over group chat

 **hong.j:** Seungkwanie

 **hong.j:** You know I don't fight little girls

 **seokkie:** hyung

 **seokkie:** come _on_

 **freshbuns:** u watch ur back hong jisoo

 **yoonangel:** and so what was the point of coming here at all

 **naegahosh:** soz was screenshotting the savage burns

 **naegahosh:** oh shiet wonton is coming back dont snitch on me

 **naegahosh:** i know all ur dirty secrets

 **yoonangel:** hon

 **freshbuns:** we know all your dirty secrets who are you trying to delude

 **naegahosh:** salty ppl die earlier than nice ppl i hope u take note

 **freshbuns:** im willing to take the plunge im dead inside anyways

 **hong.j:** If I'm late please don't have doubts as to where Jeonghan or Soonyoung will be

 **seokkie:** no hyung

 **seokkie:** we have to be nice to each other

 **hong.j:** Child you are too good to be in this chat

 **yoonangel:** he's the true angel

 **yoonangel** changes **seokkie** to **angelboi**

 **angelboi:** aww thanks hyung

 

**{Group chat: lit squad}**

**mingming:** gois

 **cheollie:** hey son

 **mingming:** i think i liek

 **mingming:** went on a date by accident

 **hansolo:** how does one even go on a date by accident

 **lemonfairy:** You were being chased by the professor right

 **lemonfairy:** I saw you running, then I lost track of you

 **mingming:** do u want the short version or long

 **hansolo:** which one is the more entertaining one

 **mingming:** shut up pal u'll be the one sprinting soon

 **hansolo:** i finish all my shit on time why would i even need to

 **lemonfairy:** Dear we all know you're a mess

 **lemonfairy:** We still love you regardless

 **mingming:** ur all bullies

 **cheollie:** now now

 **cheollie:** we're all lsitening

 **mingming:** yes i was being chased by the teacher

 **mingming:** bc i handed in my work uncited

 **mingming:** and hes batshit crazy he wanted the exact seconds i got the sites/books from

 **mingming:** so i was liek bye i aint dealing with dis

 **mingming:** broke across the grass and went straight into the library bc bastard never goes there

 **mingming:** bumped into a guy, pretended liek we know each other and had my back turned to the road 24/7

 **mingming:** prof ran past, didnt know i was sitting on his left and went out

 **mingming:** i was liek yes saved turned to the dude and said my thank

 **mingming:** and fam

 **mingming:** he was so hot

 **mingming:** like premium boyfriend material hot

 **mingming:** like i would take another date from that if given another chance 

 **cheollie:** i'm impressed but also mildly concerned

 **hansolo:** i think u meant very concerned

 **cheollie:** details

 **lemonfairy:** And you went on a date with him how?

 **mingming:** oh jsut to get food

 **mingming:** we had to run at some point bc my prof saw me again

 **mingming:** he then bought me ice cream

 **mingming:** like

 **mingming:** wow

 **mingming:** just date me already

 **lemonfairy:** And you do know his name, right?

 **mingming:** ofc i know his name what do u think i am

 **lemonfairy:** Just making sure

 **hansolo:** so

 **hansolo:** name

 **mingming:**  i aint sharing 

 **mingming:** u guys r undercover fbi or smthing

 **hansolo:** i'm offended and hurt that you don't trust us

 **cheollie:** leave the kid be

 **cheollie:** but i better see this man before there can be an actual date

 **mingming:** omg gois he probably forgot abt it already drop it

 **lemonfairy:** I will find out who this is just you watch

 

**{Private chat: jeon boyfriend}**

**gyugyu:** hey hyung

 **wonton:** Hello Mingyu

 **gyugyu:** i know its weird and stuff

 **gyugyu:** bc i basiaclly dragged u away from ur coffee

 **gyugyu:** and tripped over my own feet and died so many times

 **wonton:** I didn't really mind

 **wonton:** Don't worry too much

 **gyugyu:** but would u mind going for another date?

 **gyugyu:** like a legit one

 **gyugyu:** i'll pick u up and everything and we can hang out

 **gyugyu:** ?

 **wonton:** I'm very much fine with that

 **gyugyu:** oh good i thought your reaction would be liek whos this kid

 **wonton:** You kept sending me dog photos from the time we separated

 **wonton:** I mean it will be hard to forget the spam

 **gyugyu:** i hold no regrets when it come to dogs

 **wonton:** I know you don't

 **wonton:** When I'm free I'll call you

 **gyugyu:** KYAAA OKIE HYUNG

 **wonton:** Goodbye Mingyu-yah

 **gyugyu:** SEE YOU HYUNG WHAAA SO EXCITED

 


	2. rip jeonghan hyung uve been nothing but a crick on our collective necks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mingming: on another date with my man
> 
> hansolo: i keep remembering you as this awkward human tree incapable of speaking sentences
> 
> lemonfairy: Don't be mean Hansol-ah
> 
> lemonfairy: His heart is delicate it might break 
> 
> mingming: this family is abusive
> 
> lemonfairy: We claim no such ties with you
> 
> cheollie: uh i did hes my kid
> 
> mingming: my only real fam
> 
> cheollie: i gotchu kid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi? I'm back? People seem to be reading this disaster? How? Okay.  
> Thanks so much for leaving nice comments and kudos. Even bookmarking. Wow. Is this chapter okay?
> 
> Names:  
> mingming: Mingyu  
> lemonfairy: Jihoon  
> cheollie: Seungcheol  
> help, yoonangel: Jeonghan  
> hong.j: Jisoo/Joshua  
> hansolo: Hansol  
> naegahosh: Soonyoung  
> angelboi: Seokmin  
> freshbuns: Seungkwan

**{Private chat: jeon boyfriend}**

**gyugyu:** hey hyung

 **gyugyu:** theres a fair thing

 **wonton:...** A fair thing

 **wonton:** Alright and?

 **gyugyu:** i thought the intention was implied

 **wonton:** Careful there

 **wonton:** One might think you're intelligent

 **gyugyu:** dont be mean hyung

 **gyugyu:** im delicate my bones r delicate

 **wonton:** Alright

 **wonton:** But I want a good old confession

 **gyugyu:** will you come to this cheap fair with me as an official date

 **gyugyu:** please o gracious jeon wonwoo lord of all things marvelous and perfect

 **wonton:** Very fitting

 **wonton:** I'll think about it

 **gyugyu:** OH comE oN

 **wonton:** I'm pulling your leg

 **wonton:** You're picking me up when?

 **gyugyu:** y r u assuming im picking u up

 **wonton:** You're not?

 **gyugyu:** ill be at ur dorm at 6

 **wonton:** Wonderful

 **wonton:** You have my address, just need to knock

 **gyugyu:** be beautiful

 **wonton:** What am I but

 

**{Group chat: lit squad}**

**mingming:** on another date with my man

 **hansolo:** i keep remembering you as this awkward human tree incapable of speaking sentences

 **lemonfairy:** Don't be mean Hansol-ah

 **lemonfairy:** His heart is delicate it might break 

 **mingming:** this family is abusive

 **lemonfairy:** We claim no such ties with you

 **cheollie:** uh i did hes my kid

 **mingming:** my only real fam

 **cheollie:** i gotchu kid

 **cheollie:** whos this boy send me a photo for gods sake

 **lemonfairy:** Don't think the Lord would appreciate heathens and atheists throwing his name around like that in vain

 **cheollie:** ik ur assignment got lost but we're trying our best here 

 **hansolo:** saw that split moment when you were gonna type hyung

 **lemonfairy:** Please do

 **lemonfairy:** I would love to be respected

 **mingming:** us young uns respect u

 **lemonfairy:** That remind me so much of William Golding please stop

 **mingming:** YOUNG UNS YOUNG UNS

 **lemonfairy:** I'm locking you out

 **hansolo:** if anyone is going to search for me

 **hansolo:** which i doubt none of you will

 **lemonfairy:** Don't be ridiculous Seungcheol will

 **cheollie:** am i ur personal human tracker or smthing

 **lemonfairy:** I can't guarantee or deny that

 **hansolo:** will be napping in library find me there

 **mingming:** so i'll be out friday arvo dont look for me

 **hansolo:** good luck bro

 **mingming:** cheers mate

 **hansolo:** i hope you don't trip over your shoelaces and embarrass yourself  (◠‿◠✿)

 **mingming:** i hope the bookcases dont fall and crush u to death  (◠‿◠✿)

 **cheollie:** jfc u two r such shady bitches

 **mingming:** bye ladies  (ღˇᴗˇ)｡o

 **lemonfairy:** Hold on

 **lemonfairy:** Joshua hyung texted me

 **lemonfairy:** Why does he have my USB?

 **cheollie:** im near the lang building u want me to grab it for u?

 **lemonfairy:** Back for another daily stalking session?

 **mingming:** dis whole chat is just an entire forest of shade

 **cheollie:** if i 'accidentally' drop it onto the road then my oh my what a shame

 **lemonfairy:** Don't worry I have insurance

 **hansolo:** such an interesting bitch fight

 **mingming:** come to my room i got popcorn

 **cheollie:** them being?

 **lemonfairy:** Oh just the access code to your phone and PC and countless social media screenshots that may or may not ruin lives

 **mingming:** i think he choked

 **hansolo:** he's still choking

 **mingming:** i want to be liek jihoon hyung when i grow up

 **lemonfairy:** I'm happy to guide you

 **hansolo:** i shall check on hyung i don't think he's breathing

 **cheollie:** u win

 **cheollie:** ill get the usb dont reveal anything

 **lemonfairy:** Why do I ever need to

 **mingming:** a god

 

**{Group chat: i sell kidneys on the side of the road}**

**angelboi:** hyung i know u dont do any shady business outside of class

 **freshbuns:** who is this what is this

 **angelboi:** oh jeonghan hyung

 **naegahosh:** already hes ousted

 **yoonangel:** now dear what have i done wrong

 **angelboi:** u told me to steal lee jihoon's usb from vocal classes today

 **angelboi:** u never told me y

 **freshbuns:** im sorry u wat

 **naegahosh:** hyung lee jihoon is fking scary

 **naegahosh:** he could end u

 **yoonangel:** okay hear me out

 **angelboi:** what was even on the usb

 **yoonangel:** his end of term project

 **yoonangel:** it's very dear to him

 **freshbuns:** then y in human's coccyx did u steal it u disgrace of the entire species

 **yoonangel:** ya

 **yoonangel:** don't degrade me

 **freshbuns:** u deserve all of it

 **freshbuns:** hyung im amazed seokminnie didnt drop it or lose it along the way

 **freshbuns:** he broke five plates the last time he visited my kitchen

 **naegahosh:** and the coffee machine

 **naegahosh:** and he was just in the kitchen

 **naegahosh:** not cooking or anything

 **angelboi:** im sorry 

 **freshbuns:** not ur fault honey

 **angelboi:** i kept it in my bag and i ran

 **angelboi:** then i put it on the coffee tabl

 **angelboi:** i think?

 **yoonangel:** what do you mean you think

 **angelboi:** um

 **angelboi:** its not there anymore....?

 **naegahosh:** o m o  l e e  j i h o o n   i s  g o n n a  k i l l   u s

 **freshbuns:** just on the table not under some books?

 **angelboi:** on the wood

 **angelboi:** it was RIGHT THERE OMOG

 **yoonangel:** what do we do

 **freshbuns:** um what do u do

 **freshbuns:** dont push this on seokmin or us

 **freshbuns:** y did u even do that omg hyung

 **freshbuns:** take responsibility for ur actions gee

 **yoonangel:** lee jihoon is friends with choi seungcheol

 **naegahosh:** okay and???

 **freshbuns:** the pretty one

 **freshbuns:** the very pretty one

 **angelboi:** ur giving me words but i do not understand them

 **freshbuns:** u told a kid to steal a usb so his friend could potentially what come over to get it and see u?

 **naegahosh:** i dont wanna offend u

 **naegahosh:** but this is one of the reason y jisoo hyung broke up with u

 **naegahosh:** what a high maintenance construction jfc

 **yoonangel:** be careful with me i'm delicate

 **hong.j:** Why was Lee Jihoon's USB on the damn coffee table-

 **hong.j:** The hell Yoon Jeonghan

 **hong.j:** I'm texting Jihoon he's been freaking out so much oh god

 **hong.j:** You are such a disappointment

 **freshbuns:** get his friend to come

 **freshbuns:** seungcheol hyung

 **hong.j:** He's probably around the area anyways

 **naegahosh:** lee jihoon is going to butcher us bc we're associated with hyung im gonna die

 **angelboi:** NOOOO I LOVE JIHOON HYUNG

 **freshbuns:** shut up

 **freshbuns:** we can talk to him 

 **freshbuns:** put me on a call with him im talking

 **hong.j:** Work your magic Boo-nim

 

**{Call between Hong Jisoo and Lee Jihoon}**

_"Hello?"_

_"Lee Jihoon-ssi?"_

_"Yes, that's me. You don't sound like Joshua hyung."_

_"I'm a friend of his. About your USB today.."_

_"No no don't worry about it. My friend Seungcheol is coming over at Joshua's to fetch the drive. Thank you for the concern."_

_"No but the thing is, was...my friend sort of got a kid to steal it?"_

_"...."_

_"Yoon Jeonghan. Probably heard of him. Very pretty very egoistical very stupidly crushing on Choi Seungcheol. His brilliant plan was to steal your end of term project, get Jisoo-hyung to phone you or Seungcheol hyung then like I don't know get him to come here instead of you."_

_"Seungcheol is always around the area anyways of course it would be him getting the drive for me. Been stalking Jeonghan for months."_

_"I didn't think I need to know that but okay. Please don't be too harsh on Jeonghan hyung. He's a bit of an idiot when it comes to love. And the kid who stole your USB would willingly walk into hell for hyung. I just can't apologise enough for the stupidity of my friends."_

_"I'm willing to let it go, I'm glad you guys haven't lost it along the way."_

_"You're more forgiving than I thought."_

_"I need to finish that project before I hunt anyone down. Who are you, who's the kid?"_

_"Um. Boo Seungkwan. Lee Seokmin. Please spare us."_

_"Text me your numbers. I'll think of a punishment. Yoon Jeonghan can just suffer an oblivious Seungcheol."_

_"Can you let me know when I'll die so I can arrange a simple funeral befitting of my fabulous status in life-"_

_"No stupid, you're recording with me. You and Seokmin both."_

_"Oh okay. Good. Nice. I'll text you hyung."_

 

**{Group chat: i sell kidneys on the side of the road}**

**freshbuns:** be so glad he forgave us

 **angelboi:** just liek that?

 **freshbuns:** we gotta record stuff with him

 **angelboi:** bruh ill take lifting a boulder at this mo 

 **angelboi:** thank the lord for giving me a second chance at life

 **naegahosh:** wat abt jeonghan hyung

 **freshbuns:** idk

 **yoonangel:** what do you mean you don't know

 **freshbuns:** i only apologise for seokmin and the rest of us not u

 **yoonangel:** i'm dead then

 **naegahosh:** what colour for the coffin

 **hong.j:** Seungcheol is here be nice

 **angelboi:** where let me apo;logise

 **hong.j:** Never mind he left

 **freshbuns:** rip jeonghan hyung uve been nothing but a crick on our collective necks

 **yoonangel** changes their name to help

 **help:** say nice things about me when i'm dead damn it

 **naegahosh:** OMG THERES SUCH A CUTE KID AT MY STUDIO LOOK 

 **hong.j:** He can't be that-

**naegahosh:**

**naegahosh:** _LOOK AT HIM_

 **hong.j:** Never mind

 **hong.j:** Very cute

 **freshbuns:** where do we sign the adoption papers

 **help:** we don't even have a spare room

 **freshbuns:** i guess u'll just have to do out on the streets then

 **help:** wait WHAT

 **angelboi:** theyrre pulling ur leg hyung he can crash at soonyoung hyung's

 **naegahosh:** obvsly

 **naegahosh:** its liek im cured of all my sins

 **hong.j:** You did a strip routine in the local campus bar just last Friday

 **freshbuns:** u also incorporated too many body rolls for ur routine

 **freshbuns:** ppl were scarred

 **help:** you asked the instructor on the maximum amount of hip thrusts you're allowed in a routine

 **naegahosh:** u know what fuk u all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yoon Jeonghan's personality is based on the newest Seventeen's appearance on Weekly Idol. Please end my suffering by commenting. I hope you had a laugh at it.


	3. watch out for dodgy guys with knives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> john: I heard from Jisoo hyung just today how incredibly 'soul-tiring' to be in such a chat
> 
> presbush: but u'll be sooooo in tune with whats happening if ur in the chat
> 
> john: You all have my number
> 
> john: You all constantly update and remind me of anything you think I need to know
> 
> john: I don't think I'm missing out much
> 
> presbush: hyungieeeee
> 
> john: Seungkwan
> 
> john: How much do you think I use my phone
> 
> john: Or any technology for?
> 
> prebush: i will never stop trying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad people love Seventeen boys being simultaneously sweet and salty! (◕ ω ◕✿) 
> 
> Have a tooth-rotting fluff scene of Meanie before salt and shade appear in the next chapter!

**{Private chat: john wonu}**

**presbush:** hyung

 **john:** Yes Seungkwan?

 **presbush:** get a skype account

 **john:** I heard from Jisoo hyung just today how incredibly 'soul-tiring' to be in such a chat

 **presbush:** but u'll be sooooo in tune with whats happening if ur in the chat

 **john:** You all have my number

 **john:** You all constantly update and remind me of anything you think I need to know

 **john:** I don't think I'm missing out much

 **presbush:** hyungieeeee

 **john:** Seungkwan

 **john:** How much do you think I use my phone

 **john:** Or any technology for?

 **prebush:** i will never stop trying

 **presbush:** oh who was this boi soonyoung hyung informed us of quite recently?

 **presbush:** a beau? a fling? _an affair?_

 **presbush:** Σ(ﾟДﾟ；)

 **john:** None of that

 **john:** Our official date is tomorrow

 **john:** There is that fair in the eastern suburbs and he's taking me there

 **john:** We're not anything

 **john:** But we're both very interested 

 **presbush:** thats so nice

 **presbush:** going steady rite?

 **john:** Who do you take me for Seungkwan-ssi

 **john:** No boy is taking it too far without me permitting it first

 **presbush:** thats my hyungie

 **presbush:** is there any chance i could see him

 **presbush:** everyone literally heard or seen of him

 **presbush:** and i havent

 **presbush:** ded or alive im coming to see him

 **john:** Perhaps when we have another date we can take you along

 **presbush:** how very open

 **presbush:** u dont think ill third wheel or anything?

 **john:** Would you mind?

 **presbush:** eh not rlly

 **john:** Then I don't mind

 **presbush:** eyyyy ill keep an ear out thanks hyungieeee

 **john:** I'll see you later Seungkwannie

 

**{Group chat: lit squad}**

**mingming:** alrite be back later see ya friends

 **lemonfairy:** Bring a coat

 **hansolo:** watch out for dodgy guys with knives

 **cheollie:** walk on the outside of the footpath

 **mingming:** okay okay chill

 

**{Private chat: jeon boyfriend}**

**gyugyu:** how do i look from inside

 **wonton:** Presentable

 **gyugyu:** i tried okay

 **wonton:** I was tripping you

 **wonton:** You look good

 **wonton:** Are those...

 **wonton:** Flowers?

 **wonton:** And chocolates?

 **gyugyu:** i wanted to make a good impression?

 **gyugyu:** i tried?

 **wonton:** You belong to those fancy Victorian novels not the modern age

 **gyugyu:** i take that as a compliment?

 **wonton:** Unbelievable 

 **wonton:** You're making me look bad

 **gyugyu:** u look beautiful all the time

 **wonton:** Don't flirt yet young man we're not snowballing our way to dating yet

 **gyugyu:** i just want to take u on a date hyung pls

 **wonton:** Very well

 **wonton:** Do not say anything

 

"What do you mean don't say anything you look so nice what the heck."

"Shut up and give me those flowers."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do read all comments and reply! Please don't be afraid or shy to say anything. I'm a Carat behind a computer screen crying/laughing at responses I receive and treasuring them! Please say hiiii and support this fic! (◕ ω ◕✿)


	4. im a terrible bean pole i deserve purgatory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> naegahosh: im buying myself a coffin bye kids
> 
> hong.j: Congratulations
> 
> hong.j: You not only burnt a bridge you marooned your sad desperate self on a barren island
> 
> help: don't do this to me josh
> 
> boowan: dont use the lord's name in vain
> 
> hong.j: I am God don't touch me with your sinful ways

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Suck it up princess' is my teacher's constant phrase. I'm so glad I can include it here.
> 
> Another cute Meanie episode. It's cavity inducing. Please overlook any weird characterisation. The salt squad roast and burn each other. Hard. Seungcheol is being a good dad. Already in both of their phones, Wonwoo has his name fused with Mingyu and he calls the boy a wife and Mingyu has Wonwoo as 'jeon boyfriend'. I'm not crying you are. Seungkwan is me, the meddler.
> 
> Username:  
> Mingyu: mingson, kimjeon  
> Seungkwan: freshbuns, boowan, presbush  
> Wonwoo: wongyu, john  
> Seungcheol: appa  
> Jeonghan: help  
> Soonyoung: naegahosh, letmelive  
> Jisoo/Joshua: hong.j, pricness  
> Seokmin: angelboi

**{Private chat: minghousewife}**

**[5.15 pm]**

**kimjeon:** hyungie

**wongyu:** Hello

**kimjeon:** hyung can we not do that one its too tall _o M g_

**wongyu:** You'll live Mingyu-yah

**kimjeon:** no srsly i wont hyung ill srsly _die_

**wongyu:** Just hold the bar and lean back

**kimjeon:** um

**kimjeon:** ur brilliant and all

**kimjeon:** but theres a thing called gravity im sure u might have heard of it

**kimjeon:** i cant just lean back hyung the world doesnt work liek that it pulls me forward

**wongyu:** Hold my hand then

**kimjeon:** ur hand is cold

**wongyu:** Well you can stay down here while I go

**kimjeon:** _hyungiieeeeee_

**wongyu:** How about the Ferris Wheel after we finish everything?

**kimjeon:** 5 cotton candy buckets

**wongyu:** You will be sick and I will laugh as the dentist pulls all your teeth out

**kimjeon:** i only live now i mgiht as well eat 5 buckets of pure sugar

**wongyu:** Sugar is more addicting than drugs

**wongyu:** I don't think that's a very good idea

**kimjeon:** pls hyung ill actually go into cardiac arrest and die in midair

**wongyu:** It must be hard being soft-hearted

**kimjeon:** so?

**wongyu:** Yes I will buy you cotton candy

**kimjeon:** oh lel no im buying myself those u just stnd awakrdly around and be pretty

**wongyu:** Stop flirting badly

**kimjeon:** u saw me trip over my feet so many times and dropped my phone in mud

**wongyu:** You nearly did

**wongyu:** You fell in mud to rescue your phone

**kimjeon:** my sister bought me it its precious to moi

**wongyu:** How adorable

**kimjeon:** its jsut creepy coming from u i cant u need to stop

**wongyu:** I tried

**wongyu:** Hold my hand

**wongyu:** It'll be fine

**wongyu:** I got you

**kimjeon:** my life is in ur grip dont drop it or else im haunting u from the grave

**[6.45 pm]**

**kimjeon:** i  c a n n o t  b e l i e v e  i  w e n t  o n  t h a t  m o n s t r o s i t y

**wongyu:** The cotton candy stall is on the right

**kimjeon:** hyungie

**kimjeon:** ur still holding my hand

**wongyu:** You'll fall again 

**wongyu:** I want to make sure you don't crumple on the ground

**kimjeon:** i want to laugh but ur absolutely correct where r my knees i cant feel them

**kimjeon:** im dying

**kimjeon:** its the ghost syndrome thing

**kimjeon:** the one where u cant feel ur limbs

**wongyu:** Paralysis?

**kimjeon:** no the one on the clickbait articles i read them

**wongyu:** Okay well buy the buckets quickly and we can sit down and eat

**kimjeon:** hyung do u wanna have a go at the games?

**wongyu:** I cramped my wrist so I don't think I can Mingyu

**kimjeon:** _hyung_

**kimjeon:** hyung y didnt u _tell me_

**kimjeon:** i was literally crushing ur wrist o m o im a terrible bean pole i deserve purgatory 

**kimjeon:** r u bruising r u okay let me look

**wongyu:** Mingyu 

**wongyu:** Calm down

**wongyu:** It's cramped not broken

**wongyu:** See?

**kimjeon:** ill win u a bear

**wongyu:** I think with your clumsiness you'll knock down the stall before you get the bear

**kimjeon:** nah

**kimjeon:** ur my bag of lucks

**kimjeon:** ill be rite

**[7.29 pm]**

**wongyu:** Unbelievable

**kimjeon:** AWWW YISSS

**kimjeon:** ONE GIANT ASS BEAR FOR THE BEAUTIFUL GENtLEMAN IN PINK

**kimjeon:** told u ur my bag of lucks

**wongyu:** Okay stop you're embarrassing me

**wongyu:** You awkward tree child

**kimjeon:** i am amazing i am a god among men

**wongyu:** Oh dear me

**kimjeon:** do u want to walk back now or ferris wheel?

**wongyu:** That is a noun

**wongyu:** It doesn't function as a verb

**wongyu:** I want to save the Ferris Wheel moment until after our fifth date

**kimjeon:** is that

**kimjeon:** a maybe ill give u a chance to actually date me

**wongyu:** I'm fine with dating you right now

**wongyu:** But I'd rather we give it more time and see if we both really want to commit

**wongyu:** Because I take relationships very seriously and you're adorable but young

**wongyu:** I'm not saying it's because you're young that I'm wary

**wongyu:** But it's because it's too early to know each other and properly make a judgement yet

**wongyu:** On both our parts

**kimjeon:** so its not a definite no?

**wongyu:** It's never been a no from me Mingyu

**kimjeon:** then im happy waiting

**kimjeon:** ur rlly nice and smart and caring hyung

**kimjeon:** and u never once call me dumb or stupid or weird

**kimjeon:** im happy even being around u

**wongyu:** You're not any of these things

**wongyu:** You have never been

**wongyu:** You are a kind boy who makes my day

**wongyu:** Please don't undermine yourself

**kimjeon:** okay

**kimjeon:** go in hyung

**wongyu:** What about you?

**wongyu:** You'll be in the dark and alone

**kimjeon:** im calling one of my hyungs to pick me up

**kimjeon:** go inside wonwoo hyung

**wongyu:** I'll stay out until your hyung comes

**kimjeon:** omg if i ever call u i think none of us would hang up

 

**{Private chat: papa coups}**

**mingson:** hey hyung

**appa:** hey kid ur back rite?

**mingson:** yeah im just outside the arts building

**appa:** the one near the music one?

**mingson:** it has the glass windows i think?

**appa:** r u in the blue jumper

**mingson:** do u see the huge white bear

**appa:** i g ot  u kid

 

**{Private chat: john wonu}**

**presbush:** hyung is that u outside?

**john:** Yes dear

**presbush:** okay let me peel my face mask off

**john:** Take your time

**presbush:** is that

**presbush:** _choi seungcheol?_

**presbush:** is that

**presbush:** a fking model holding flowers _for_ _u_?

**john:** Yes and yes

**presbush:** hyung how come u lucked out so much oh wow

**john:** How did you know Choi Seungcheol?

**presbush:** if u have the group chat then u'll know

**john:** Just open the door Seungkwan

 

**{Group chat: we sell kidneys on the side of the road}**

**freshbuns** changes their name to **boowan**

**boowan:** DUDES

**help:** i identify as non binary

**hong.j:** You screamed at a girl when you had long hair that

**hong.j:** I am a man you lousy woodlouse 

**help:**  cash me outside hong come on

**hong.j:** I don't fight girls Jeonghannie

**help:** don't hold me back i'll cut him-

**angelboi:** friends

**angelboi:** i believe seungkwannie has smthing to say

**naegahosh:** oh wonwoo got back rite?

**naegahosh:** did u see the face of the mystery date?

**boowan:** pls

**boowan:** ppl

**boowan:** wonwoo hyung got given flowers

**boowan:** they aint roses tho

**boowan:** he got carnations

**boowan:** _red_

**angelboi:** _oh my_

**angelboi:** how amazingly touching

**naegahosh:** whichever fcker brings anything but roses to a date is already winning in my heart

**hong.j:** Did you see his face?

**boowan:** his back was facing the door

**boowan:** i only sawthe side profile

**boowan:** which

**boowan:**  

**boowan:** thats all im saying on it

**help:** i really want to see this boy

**boowan:** they went to a carnival and he won a huge ass bear for hyung

**boowan:** u know those costco ones?

**help:** those ones are huge _what_

**hong.j:** Who else is feeling inferior in whatever attempts at romance they did knowing this boy got Wonwoo-yah flowers and a bear on a second date

**naegahosh:** hyung 

**naegahosh:** stop

**boowan:** it gets better

**boowan:** because

**boowan:** he called someone to pick him up and choi seungcheol was in front of my dorm

**help:** WAIT WHAT _WHAT_

**angelboi:** WONWOO HYUNG KNOWS SOMEONE WHO KNOWS SENGCEHOL HYUNG

**naegahosh:** WE PROVOKED LEE JIHOON FOR NO REASON 

**naegahosh:** YAH

**naegahosh:** YOON JEONGHAN

**naegahosh:** U PUNKASS BITCH

**help:** SPARE ME

**help:** I DIDN'T KNOW

**hong.j:** To be honest no one knew because it's Wonwoo

**hong.j:** His daily life is as mysterious as an unlit cave

**hong.j:** Only last week that I found out he wears glasses

**angelboi:** S A  m E

**boowan:** so thanks jeonghan hyung

**boowan:** ur on lee jihoon blacklist

**help:** I'M SORRY

**naegahosh:** im buying myself a coffin bye kids

**hong.j:** Congratulations

**hong.j:** You not only burnt a bridge you marooned your sad desperate self on a barren island

**help:** don't do this to me josh

**boowan:** dont use the lord's name in vain

**hong.j:** I am God don't touch me with your sinful ways

**naegahosh:** oh ye my kid wants to meet up tomoz

**angelboi:** i'll be happy to meet him  („ᵕᴗᵕ„)  °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖° ヽ(๑◠ܫ◠๑)ﾉ

**boowan:** its too much sunshine and goodness

**hong.j:** You cured my black heart

**help:** you're all bad friends

**naegahosh:** bitch u brought this on urself suck it up pricness

**hong.j** changes their name to **pricness**

**pricness:** Better

**naegahosh:** i meant princess dont do this to me

**naegahosh** changes their name to **letmelive**

**letmelive:** hyung pls

**pricness:** Suffer

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be kind to me. Sprinkle me in comments and kudos. I love comments give me more of those.


	5. jisoo our lord had blessed us with eternal luck and prosperity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> help: good is restored to the land
> 
> help: jisoo our lord had blessed us with eternal luck and prosperity
> 
> letmelive adds littledino to the chat i sell kidneys on the side of the road
> 
> littledino changes their name to channi
> 
> channi: hi?
> 
> boowan: would u like context
> 
> channi: im torn between saying yes and saying no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It had exploded in popularity which is  
> 1\. unexpected  
> 2\. so nice to see because I'm glad I have sucked people into the diamond life
> 
> Usernames:  
> Wonwoo: wonton  
> Mingyu: gyugyu  
> Soonyoung: letmelive  
> Chan: channi  
> Jeonghan: help  
> Jisoo: pricness  
> Seokmin: angelboi  
> Seungkwan: boowan
> 
> Meanie interactions have me shook. Lee Chan is now in the chat and everyone is #highkeyblessed and also #highkeyintohim. Red carnations mean 'my heart aches for you'. Everyone is out there trying to find out Wonwoo's mystery man. The iconic line 'Dino whose baby are you' is used multiple times.
> 
> Please tell me how I can make it funnier. I intended shade and salt but so far it has been too nice and there's minimal roasting. Drop a comment to tell me what you think!

**{Private chat: jeon boyfriend}**

**gyugyu:** hey hyungie

 **wonton:** Good morning

 **gyugyu:** its literally a day after our date

 **gyugyu:** but i won tickets to the footy

 **wonton:** Who's playing?

 **gyugyu:** essendon

 **wonton:** Am I obliged to dress up

 **gyugyu:** do u want to

 **wonton:** No thank you 

 **gyugyu:** then we dont

 **gyugyu:** i think its next sat

 **wonton:** Pick me up and we can catch a tram

 **gyugyu:** see u then hyung

 

**{Group chat: i sell kidneys on the side of the road}**

**letmelive:** YALL

 **letmelive:** FKING HELL

 **pricness:** Soonyoung-ah

 **pricness:** I am in a class

 **pricness:** Please stop

 **angelboi:** WE FOUND OUT WAT RED CARNATIONS MEANT

 **boowan:** WUT WUT WUT

 **help:** give us the tea

 **help:** burn us

 **pricness:** All you did was a quick Google search right?

 **pricness:** It means admiration and affection

 **letmelive:** hyung

 **letmelive:** pls

 **angelboi:** we think

 **letmelive:** we're _sure_

 **angelboi:** that he meant

 **letmelive:** my heart aches for you

 **boowan:**  

**help:** good is restored to the land

 **help:** jisoo our lord had blessed us with eternal luck and prosperity

 **letmelive** adds **littledino** to the chat **i sell kidneys on the side of the road**

 **littledino** changes their name to **channi**

 **channi:** hi?

 **boowan:** would u like context

 **channi:** im torn between saying yes and saying no

 **help:** who are you what's your name why are you here

 **channi:** im lee chan 

 **channi:** i know soonyoung hyung from dance

 **channi:** im escaping my roommate and soonyoung hyung offered to let me crash at his for the time being

 **pricness:** I've seen you around

 **pricness:** Boy with the duck butt haircut 

 **angelboi:** HYUNG Y MUST U BRING THAT UP

 **channi:** nah its ok its a good laugh wen u look back at it

 **pricness:** You mean

**pricness:**

**channi:** pls i am a young innocent son 

 **angelboi:** HES SO PRECIOUS

 **angelboi:** HYUNG

 **pricness:** Yes Seokminnie?

 **letmelive:** hmm?

 **help:** what do you need?

 **boowan:** har har 

 **boowan:** flaunt ur seniority more in my face y dont u

 **channi:** im born in 1999

 **boowan:** I AM UR HYUNG

 **boowan:** BOW LITTLE ONE

 **help:** you're way too excited for this

 **boowan:** u dont understand the struggle of being lorded over

 **pricness:** He's a baby

 **help:** you're dino, yes?

 **channi:** thats my stage name ye

 **help:** dino

 **help:** whose baby are you?

 **channi:** um wut

 **letmelive:** oh no

 **angelboi:** just say jeonghan hyung's baby

 **boowan:** itll make life easier 

 **pricness** It might sound like he's adopting you

 **pricness:** But it's just ownership

 **pricness:** He's brainwashing you into abiding all commands he set out

 **letmelive:** BRUH HES MA CHILD I RAISED HIM ON MY BACK U SHIT

 **letmelive:** RAISED UR OWN 

 **channi:** IM EVERYONE'S BABY ITS ALL GUD DONT SCREAM PLS

 **help:** dino

 **help:** whose baby are you

**channi:...**

**channi:** jeonghan hyung's baby

 **pricness:** You're a terrible person and I hope you know that

 **boowan:** i know its severely late but can we just

 **boowan:** appreciate the flowers wonwoo hyung got

 **pricness:**  Those had restored my purpose as God

 **help:** highkey want my future husband to bring flowers like that everyday when he sees me 

 **boowan:** so u want to marry a florist?

 **help:** you're so funny

 **letmelive:** either a florist or someone whos willing to steal flowers from old ladies' gardens

 **help:** or just someone rich

 **channi:** thats called being a gold digger

 **channi:** i hope u know that

 **pricness:** It's okay that's what he is inside and out

 **boowan:** he screams gold digger

 **channi:** i was gonna hazard a name

 **channi:** but i cant

 **channi:** i only know **@letmelive** is soonyoung hyung

 **channi:** who r the rest of u

 **letmelive: @boowan** is boo seungkwan

 **letmelive:** or as we call him

 **letmelive:** flappy cheeks and drama queen

 **boowan:** fite me hoe

 **letmelive: @angelboi** is lee seokmin

 **letmelive:** most gullible man on the planet

 **angelboi:** dont know if that was liek a backhanded compliment or a genuine one

 **letmelive:** love u boo ˚๐*˟ ♡ºัั³ºั♡

 **letmelive: @pricness** is hong jisoo

 **letmelive:** our lord and saviour 

 **letmelive:** also shade master expert

 **pricness:** Always at your service

 **pricness:** I heal your sinful ways by just being in the vicinity

 **channi:** i appreciate that

 **letmelive: @help** is yoon jeonghan

 **letmelive:** face of an angel 

 **letmelive:** glass heart

 **letmelive:** very vain kinda is a giant hypocrite

 **letmelive:**  a hoe and a gold digger and a brainwasher 

 **help:** i will actually cut yo-

 **channi:** do u have photos

 **boowan:** have some selfies

**boowan:**

****

**letmelive:**

**angelboi:** here's jisoo hyung

**angelboi:**

**angelboi:** jeonghan hyung

**angelboi:**

**help:** my beautiful son

 **help:** sensodyne approved

**help:**

**pricness:** Let me also amend my rift with Channie

 **pricness:** He is a very handsome boy

 **boowan:** ur talking liek a grandpa

 **pricness:** I'm so tired Seungkwannie

**pricness:**

**letmelive:** no but

**letmelive:**

**letmelive:** #highkeyblessed

 **angelboi:** um _hello_

 **angelboi:** i have obtained the highest intelligence

 **boowan:** i got u fam

**boowan:**

**angelboi:** just take me and my money

 **channi:** guys come on

 **boowan:** do u accept cash or debit

 **channi:** im only a child let me live

 **pricness:** I think he meant keep your hands off me I am not interested

 **boowan:** boo hoo

 **channi:** im a child pls let me go

 **help:** so whose baby are you

 **channi:** u know what maybe ill take my chances on the street

 **help** changes the group's name to **we are family**

 **pricness:** Who are you lying to

 **boowan:** probs himself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love all of you who read and dropped kudos and comments and love. May Jisoo our Lord bless you with good skin and a good life.


	6. stop hitting on other guys for free food you shameless bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lemonfairy: Just out of the street like that
> 
> lemonfairy: You adopted a child
> 
> cheollie: a friend of mine knows him
> 
> cheollie: correction a friend of mine knows a guy who might know him
> 
> hansolo: was thinking of ways to break the news that you have approximately 4 friends
> 
> hansolo: that's including joshua hyung
> 
> cheollie: dont break my heart liek this hansol-ah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back and probably worse than ever.
> 
> Junhao is here. I love them so much. Also Seventeen fawning each other is an acceptable headcannon. Please comment a lot and let me know your thoughts!

**{Group chat: lit squad}**

**mingming:** y'all

 **lemonfairy:** What's wrong?

 **cheollie:** are u hurt

 **hansolo:** did you die

 **mingming:** no no yes

 **hansolo:** how and why

 **mingming:** i adopted a child

 **mingming:** his name is minghao

 **mingming:** already we r connected

 **mingming:** i think i ascended into the kingdom of crhist hes literally my son from another lyfe

 **lemonfairy:** Just out of the street like that

 **lemonfairy:** You adopted a child

 **cheollie:** a friend of mine knows him

 **cheollie:** correction a friend of mine knows a guy who might know him

 **hansolo:** was thinking of ways to break the news that you have approximately 4 friends

 **hansolo:** that's including joshua hyung

 **cheollie:** dont break my heart liek this hansol-ah

 **mingming:** is it jisoo or joshua

 **hansolo:** as a half foreign child i am obligated to say joshua

 **hansolo:** as a lazy bastard, i really couldn't care less

 **hansolo:** call him whatever you want

 **lemonfairy:** How anticlimactic

 **cheollie:** so howd u meet this minghao child

 **mingming:** we saw each other in one the the art rooms

 **mingming:** he was helping his bae with sketching even tho hes shit at art

 **cheollie:** lucky giwkfmsnwk

 **cheollie:** lucky person

 **lemonfairy:** I commend you for the physical restraint to not type girl

 **lemonfairy:** But you also look like you're constipated so stop

 **hansolo:** hyung you type like dumbledore in one line and a millennial in the next

 **cheollie:** let me live

 **mingming:** it is a boy

 **mingming:** he's so pretty liek damn

 **mingming:** i would be into that

 **cheollie:** im sorry i assumed it was a girl

 **lemonfairy:** Fuck heteronormativity

 **hansolo:** you say it hyung

 **mingming:** _ooh ooh_

 **mingming:** anyone want to hang out sat arvo

 **cheollie:** uh sure

 **mingming:** r u rlly sure

 **lemonfairy:** Say yes or no don't do that half assed thing

 **mingming:** its fine if no one comes bc my date is bringing a friend and we got tickets to the footy for 4

 **hansolo:** were they on sale or something

 **hansolo:** because those tickets cost like three quarters of your soul and 3 times your life income

 **cheollie:** thats tennis

 **hansolo:** same difference

 **mingming:** i won them at a fair

 **hansolo:** fuck you and your luck

 **lemonfairy:** I still don't know who this is

 **lemonfairy:** This date person

 **mingming:** if ur free ur more than welcome to meet him

 **lemonfairy:** I have a tutoring session all Saturday

 **lemonfairy:** And a recording appointment

 **lemonfairy:** I really want to quit

 **cheollie:** my TA gave me the all clear imma tag along

 **mingming:** okay ill let him know thanks hyung

 

**{Private chat: jeon boyfriend}**

**wonton** : I was thinking

 **wonton:** Since we won those tickets

 **wonton:** Let's bring friends along to the date

 **gyugyu:** already ahead of u hyung

 **wonton:** Mine might be a little

 **wonton:** What is that word?

 **wonton:**  Extra

 **wonton:**  He's very loud and easily excited

 **gyugyu:** eh mine is essentially my dad friend

 **gyugyu:** it's fine hyung

 **wonton:** No as in he insists on tagging along

 **wonton:**  I quote verbatim

 **wonton:**  is there any chance i could see him

 **wonton:**  everyone literally heard or seen of him

 **wonton:**  and i havent

 **wonton:**  ded or alive im coming to see him

 **gyugyu:** u tell ur friends abt me?

 **gyugyu:** awwww

 **gyugyu:** hyungie  ( ˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡)

 **wonton:** I don't need to they usually find out things without me telling them

 **gyugyu:** sounds like my friends too

 **gyugyu:** ill be there early so wait for me hyungieeeee  (・ω <) ﾃﾍﾍﾟﾛ

 **wonton:** I won't go anywhere

 

**{Group chat: we are family}**

**letmelive** adds **moonjune** to the chat **we are family**

 **channi** changes the chat name to **jeonghan's brainwashing centre**

 **moonjune** changes their name to **summerday**

 

 **summerday:** What is this?

 **channi:** junhui-hyung?

 **summerday:** Hello Channie

 **summerday:** Who are the rest of-

 **summerday:** Hoshi-hyung you need to stop adding me to weird group chats I think I'm in twelve already

 **letmelive:** its soonyoung hyung brat

 **letmelive:** i only added u in two wut

 **boowan:** who is dis who is dis

 **summerday:** Wen Junhui

 **summerday:** The prettiest Chinese angel you've ever met

 **channi:** i mean hes not lying there

 **pricness:** Ah I've seen you

 **pricness:** Hold on let me look through my camera roll

 **help:** it's lowkey terrifying when he says that

 **angelboi:** hi junhui-ssi ヾ(❀╹◡╹)ﾉﾞ

 **pricness:** Found it

**pricness:**

**boowan:** beautiful

 **summerday:** Thank you

 **help:** this chat is so gay

 **angelboi:** hyung dont be discriminating 

 **letmelive:** fite me bitch

 **pricness:** I'm afraid I can't tolerate this kind of behaviour in this dorm you need to remove yourself from my presence thanks

 **help:** no as in a general observation

 **help:** i am literally thirsting after choi seungcheol's ass why would you say this to me?

 **boowan:** im watching u hyubg

 **summerday:** My boyfriend knows Seungcheol hyung's roommate

 **help:** seriously everybody met seungcheol before me why bother

 **summerday:** Just thought you might want to know

 **summderday:** His name is Kim Mingyu

 **summerday:** Very tall, good-looking, clumsy, wants to adopt every dog he sees

 **angelboi:** he sounds like a nice bloke

 **summerday:** I don't know never talked with him much

 **help:** junhui-ssi

 **summerday:** I smell bribery coming

 **pricness:** You are absolutely correct

 **summerday:** How much are we talking

 **help:** i'll buy you coffee for a month

 **summerday:** I'll get in contact with Mingyu straight away

 

**{Private chat: 心肝 }**

**prettyhao:** why did you call me

 **idiot:** Because I missed you

 **prettyhao:** you're actually disgusting you know that right

 **idiot:** But you're right in suspecting that I want something

 **idiot:** You know your clingy friend Mingyu?

 **prettyhao:** yes

 **prettyhao:** why

 **prettyhao:** you can get into contact with him yourself i'm not acting as intermediary 

 **idiot:** Do you have a phone number

 **prettyhao:** you're too concerned over a man that has no connections to you

 **idiot:** Don't be jealous my precious sunshine 

 **idiot:** I love you most 

 **prettyhao:** why do you need to contact mingyu

 **idiot:** He's rooming with Choi Seungcheol and a friend of mine wants to get in with Choi Seungcheol

 **idiot:** He promised me a month worth of coffee hence the extra effort I'm putting in for this

 **prettyhao:** i can probably get seungcheol hyung's number if that's what you need

 **idiot:** Let me do it

 **idiot:** It's my coffee

 **prettyhao:** Wen Junhui

 **prettyhao:** shut up 

 **prettyhao:** stop hitting on other guys for free food you shameless bitch

 **idiot:** You're technically getting a guy's number to prevent me from getting his number from his roommate

 **idiot:** Don't know who's worse here

 **prettyhao:** don't be annoying and just let me do my thing

 **idiot:** I love it when you're jealous

 **idiot:** It's so cute

 **idiot:** I just want to squish your face

 **prettyhao:** go. away

 **idiot:** Love you too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently this 心肝 means my heart and liver and that is the most powerful Chinese term of endearment can you hear me crying I am.


	7. In the grown up world we call it a fair deal done and expected payment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> letmelive: who save their roommate's number as fking daddy what kinda fucking sicko r u
> 
> channi: could be a dare
> 
> letmelive: what kinda fucking dumbass r u
> 
> boowan: soonyoung hyung is on a roll
> 
> channi: ur ruthless
> 
> letmelive: no but
> 
> letmelive: w h y w o u l d a n y o n e d o t h a t i d o n t g e t i t
> 
> pricness: Still extra I see
> 
> letmelive: let me live hyung

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi wonderful people. I'm back. This one is very Junhao-centric. Minghao is a savage and I love him in any group chat. Please love this chapter lots I had an idea of Minghao wrecking people and I had to do a thing.
> 
> Hit me up with comments.

**{Private chat: tower of destruction}**

**salt:** mingyu

 **tol:** HEY DEAR MINGHAO MA CHILD FROM ANOTHER LYF-

 **salt:** someone wants to get in with choi seungcheol

 **salt:** your roommate

 **salt:** and they're using my dumb as shit boyfriend to do their mole search

 **tol:** ?

 **tol:** hes my mentor tho

 **salt:** or whoever he is to you

 **salt:** toss me his number before my dumb boyfriend does some weird shit

 **salt:** he's being bribed by coffee and he's set on some extravagant shitfest

 **tol:** _awwwee_

 **tol:** u jelly that he'll see me and he'll fall for me  ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **tol:** dont be haohao

 **tol:** im taken

 **salt:** wow

 **salt:** and i've always been this nice mingyu

 **salt:** sometimes we need illusions of our alternate selves to keep going

 **salt:** i don't blame you

 **tol:** um excuse u i cant hear u over the sound of my bae talking to me over the phone past 2 am

 **salt:** sure jan

 **tol:** i wish i have korean friends who would call me hyung

 **salt:** oi

 **salt:** mingyu hyung

 **tol:** ASDFGHJKLWETRUOW

 **tol:** YES MY DEAR DONGSAENG

 **salt:** for fucks sakes

 **salt:** may i have seungcheol's number now

 **tol:** u kno i was only tripping u with the whole ur bf might fall for me rite?

 **salt:** i wasn't kidding about junhui pulling some dumb ass stunts to get those numbers

 **salt:** i'm thinking of the good of society

 **tol:**  hehe

 **tol:** u dont fool me boi  ( ͡o ͜ʖ ͡o)

 **tol:** ur jelly ass face tells me all i need to kno

 **salt:** i have nunchucks in my sports bag don't make me use them on you

 **tol:** l e l

 **tol:** i sent a screenshot of his contact

 **tol:** tell whoever that wants to get in with him that hes whipped for jeonghan from music 

 **tol:** they have no chance

 **salt:** noted

 **salt:** and thanks mingyu

**salt:....**

**salt:** hyung

 **tol:** OMO CO ME B A C K HAOHAO LE T  M E  LO V E  U

 

**{Private chat: 笨蛋}**

**edgy:** Oi

 **stupid:** Shouldn't you be in class?

 **stupid:** We come here to study not ditch classes to prove that we're 'cool'

 **edgy:** i will cut you from navel to chin

 **stupid:** Don't be vulgar

 **edgy:** i'll unseam you from the nave to th' chops

 **stupid:** Quoting Shakespeare at me won't lessen the impact

 **stupid:** Are you skipping class

 **edgy:** fuck no

 **edgy:** i paid buckets of cash over this

 **edgy:** i flew a fucking ocean for this shit

 **edgy:** i ain't dumb to waste it

 **stupid:** Okay I was just worried

 **stupid:** You have a face that screams 'unpredictable'

 **stupid:** Like stab a guy with a skewer predictable and hammer nails onto lecturers' chairs unpredictable

 **edgy:** you watch your mouth before i pierce it with a blunt knife

 **stupid:** _See?_

 **edgy:** i got seungcheol's number

 **edgy:** don't be stupid and broadcast it to half the campus

 **edgy:** it goes straight to the coffee briber 

 **stupid:** You're so efficient it's almost terrifying

 **edgy:** and you're disgusting

 **edgy:** i can hear you swooning shut up

 **stupid:** We're so close that we've developed telepathy

 **edgy:** i'd rather die than see that turn into a reality

 **stupid:** Thank you so much 宝宝

 **edgy:** fuck off

 

**{Group chat: lit squad}**

**mingming** adds  **徐明浩** to the chat **lit squad**

 **徐明浩** changes their name to **fightme**

 

 **lemonfairy:** Lovely username

 **fightme:** thanks

 **fightme:** it encompasses who i am as a person

 **mingming:** HI FRENS DIS MA SON

 **hansolo:** is it possible to kill him discretely

 **fightme:** he'll cry too much and the whole of the city will know

 **fightme:** i've tried multiple times

 **hansolo:** oh what a bother 

 **cheollie:** hello heloo fresh meat

 **fightme:** call me that again and you'll taste the bottom of my shoe

 **fightme:** when i step all over your face

 **cheollie:** uh...

 **mingming:** he meant hi

 **mingming:** be nice haohao

 **fightme:** it'll be you next

 **lemonfairy:** Keep him

 **fightme:** i'm sorry i didn't know foreigners are still kept as exotic pets in this country

 **fightme:** silly me

 **fightme:** should i do some light chinese dancing before dinner?

 **hansolo:** ouch

 **cheollie:** chill kid he didnt mean it liek that

 **lemonfairy:** My terrible mistake

 **lemonfairy:** Would you like to replace Mingyu in this chat

 **mingming:** wait wut

 **cheollie:** dont be mean to my son

 **hansolo:** l m f a o

 **lemonfairy:** We haven't been actively searching for a replacement but you are the perfect upgrade from Mingyu

 **fightme:** not to break anyone's heart but anyone is a better upgrade than mingyu

 **fightme:** the broken lamp in the art studio would be an excellent replacement

 **hansolo:** L M F A O

 **hansolo:** so how cold would you like the ice to be for your burns mingyu-ssi?

 **mingming:** stfu

 **mingming:** son y

 **mingming:** oh weit

 **mingming:** hihihihihihihihihihihi

 **cheollie:** some days i rlly worry for u mingyu-yah

 **fightme:** i hope you have fun in the sanatorium 

 **lemonfairy:** I have a feeling he planned something

 

**{Group chat: jeonghan's brainwashing centre}**

**summerday:** Hi all

 **summerday:** Just here to deliver my surety so that I get those free coffee

**summerday attaches a screenshot**

**help** changes their name to **saved**

 **saved:** YOU HAVE SAVED MY ENTIRE LIFE

 **boowan:** dont enter it just yet

 **saved:** watch me boo-ssi

 **angelboi:** ur incredibly fast

 **angelboi:** its been liek 6 hrs

 **summerday:** My boyfriend did it all I did nothing

 **channi:** just 

 **channi:** a lil question

 **summerday:** What is wrong my adorable little Channy?

 **boowan:** y the fk is the contact name daddy with the teddy bear and ring?

 **letmelive:** um

 **letmelive:** u sure dis is seungcheol hyung's number rite junhui?

 **pricness:** Who did your boyfriend get it from?

 **summerday:** Someone should just ring it

 **letmelive:** idk wat u work by but i aint calling any number with the word daddy in 'em

 **boowan:** thats some shady af business rite there folks

 **angelboi:** it could mean what it means literally?

 **channi:** hyung

 **channi:** _no_

 **channi:** ur to gud for this world

 **channi:** but no

 **summerday:** A bit concerning because my boyfriend got these digits off the roommate of Seungcheol

 **summerday:** Or whoever he is to Mingyu

 **boowan:** _erm_

 **saved:** OH MY GOD SEUNGCHEOL IS IN A SUGAR DADDY RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS ROOMMATE

 **saved:** WHAT DO I DO

 **angelboi:** do they define their relationship in that way

 **letmelive:** i dont want to ask nor do i want to know

 **channi:**  MY EYES R CLOSED MY EARS R SHUT NO ONE TELL ME ANYTHING

 **pricness:** I can ask Jihoon give me two seconds

 **saved:** WHAT NO DON'T-

**pricness attaches a screenshot**

**summerday:** Oh?

 **angelboi:** they match

 **saved:** OH PRAISE THE LORD JISOO OF CHRIST

 **pricness:** Don't praise me praise Jihoon

 **summerday:** Best if you keep that praise to yourself

 **saved:** you're absolutely right mr wen

 **summerday:** honey i'm always right

 **letmelive:** who save their roommate's number as fking daddy what kinda fucking sicko r u

 **channi:** could be a dare

 **letmelive:** what kinda fucking dumbass r u

 **boowan:** soonyoung hyung is on a roll

 **channi:** ur ruthless

 **letmelive:** no but

 **letmelive:** w h y  w o u l d  a n y o n e  d o  t h a t  i  d o n t  g e t  i t

 **pricness:** Still extra I see

 **letmelive:** let me live hyung

 **saved:** i will save this intel and i will buy you coffee

 **saved:** your boyfriend drinks coffee too?

 **summerday:** Yes but he hates coffee given to him by anyone but Channy or I

 **summerday:** I would appreciate your money though

 **angelboi:** thats exploitation

 **pricness:** It's called equivalent exchange dear

 **pricness:** In the grown up world we call it a fair deal done and expected payment 

 

**{Group chat: lit squad}**

**lemonfairy** changes the chat **lit squad** to **mingyu is a sneaky reptile**

 **fightme:** he did something right

 **lemonfairy:** Gave Seungcheol's number to someone who's friends with Joshua hyung

 **lemonfairy:** But he still has his contact information as 'daddy'

 **fightme:** i'm not judging but i am

 **hansolo:** STILL?

 **hansolo:** bro

 **hansolo:** my mate

 **hansolo:** my dude

 **hansolo:** you goddamn legend

 **mingming:** hey

 **mingming:** i forgot

 **mingming:** but i pre much ruin some ppl completely and theres satisfaction in that

 **mingming:** still think im a naive idiot now?

 **fightme:**  more evil

 **fightme:** but once an idiot 

 **hansolo:** always an idiot

 **mingming:** _whyyyyyyy_

 **lemonfairy:** This synchronisation is eerie

 **hansolo:** we're connected by our mutual exasperation of mingyu's stupidity

 **lemonfairy:** I think that's everyone who ever talked to him for more than 2 seconds

 **fightme:** such a beautiful roast

 **mingming:** my rights r violated and i am in pain

 **fightme:** suffer

 **fightme:** bitch

 **mingming:** can u hear my heart breaking~

 **mingming:** tired of feeling never enough 

 **mingming:** i close my eyes and tell myself that my dreams will come true 

 **cheollie:** we should all have me under boyfriend material

 **hansolo:** maybe in another life hyung

 **fightme:** i'm taken

 **lemonfairy:** I'm celibate for life

 **mingming:** im changing ur contact info

 **cheollie:** u can see whos loyal and whos not here

 **fightme:** disgusting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 笨蛋 generally means 'dumb person' in Mandarin (so dumbass, moron, idiot, etc.) Such a tsundere thing to call your boyfriend but also such a Thughao thing to do.


	8. suicide is bad, homicide is better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cheollie: son
> 
> cheollie: i can explain
> 
> lemonfairy: That hole isn't getting filled up any time soon Seungcheollie
> 
> lemonfairy: Don't keep digging buddy
> 
> fightme: why make a promise if you aren't keeping it through
> 
> fightme: shame on you
> 
> cheollie: NUUIUU IM SORRY SON
> 
> mingming: APPA
> 
> mingming: NANDESKA??
> 
> fightme: what language is that
> 
> lemonfairy: Melodramatics with a bit of useless whining

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi amazing people, here is another chapter of pure I-still-don't-know-what-is-it-that-I'm-doing. I'm sorry it's short and Dead-Sea-level salty, but please have this offering I won't be back for a while I'm sorry.

**{group chat: mingyu is a slippery reptile}**

**mingming:** so who got a pair of scissors 

 **hansolo:** there are plenty if you take a short walk to the coordinator's office

 **mingming:** ye but i dun wanna move

 **hansolo:** it might be treacherous and harrowing

 **hansolo:** but i have faith in your abilities to lift your legs for a couple of times

 **lemonfairy:** Hansol dear

 **lemonfairy:** Don't be too passive aggressive he might pick up on it

 **mingming:** can we not pick on me thanks

 **cheollie:** where r u

 **mingming:** art room 8

 **mingming:** wait i got someone hold on COME BACM FRIEND

 **hansolo:**  you okay there

 **cheollie:** isn't that where minghao hangs out

 **mingming:** only his bae is here OMO JUNHUI HYUNG DONT LEAVE ME PLS I AM GUD

 **lemonfairy:** If you scream at your phone he won't be able to hear you

 **mingming:** oh

 **mingming:** rite

 **mingming:** ur rite

 **lemonfairy:** I haven't been wrong for a long time using this simple strategy

 **lemonfairy:** It's called thinking things through

 **lemonfairy:** It works wonders I tell you

 **cheollie:** chill woozi-yah

 **hansolo:** what kinda nickname is this how adorable can you get??

 **lemonfairy:** Because I wrote and produced a successful song and I told them I prefer to be called as Woozi

 **lemonfairy:** In case shit comes back to bite me in the ass I can say I'm Jihoon not Woozi

 **cheollie:** ur a whole snek

 **lemonfairy:** Hiss hiss bitch

 **mingming:** i have acquired scissors

 **hansolo:** don't type like that people might think you're actually intelligent

 **mingming:** yah

 **mingming:** im older

 **hansolo:** and dumber than me so i feel justified in denying you the respect your age entitles you to

 **lemonfairy:** I could hear him sob all the way from Melbourne to Anyang

 

**[2.34 pm]**

**fightme:** so you're the weirdo my dumb boyfriend was laughing his ass off about today

 **fightme:** i literally left for two seconds

 **fightme:** and already there was a creep trying to stalk him or some shit

 **cheollie:** u have such a cute face

 **cheollie:** but u swear more than jihoonie when he lost his usb

 **lemonfairy:** It was stolen

 **lemonfairy:** Orchestrated by your stalker

 **cheollie:** idc

 **hansolo:** of course you don't hyung bless your little pure angelic heart

 **cheollie:** dont be condescending hansol-ah

 **mingming:** appa

 **cheollie:** hey kid

 **mingming:** u could still come to the footy thing

 **mingming:** rite?

 **cheollie:** of course

 **cheollie:** yes

 **cheollie:** i think....?

 **cheollie:** f uck

 **hansolo:**  the hole henceforth digs itself further

 **cheollie:** mingyu-yah

 **cheollie:** son

 **cheollie:** i can explain

 **lemonfairy:** That hole isn't getting filled up any time soon Seungcheollie

 **lemonfairy:** Don't keep digging buddy

 **fightme:** why make a promise if you aren't keeping it through

 **fightme:** shame on you

 **cheollie:** NUUIUU IM SORRY SON

 **mingming:** APPA

 **mingming:** NANDESKA??

 **fightme:** what language is that

 **lemonfairy:**  Melodramatics with a bit of useless whining

 **cheollie:** I FORGOT THE ASSIGNMENTS I PROMISED TO HELP SEOKMINNIE AND CHANNIE FOR 

 **cheollie:** I SCHEDULED IT ON THE SAME DAY IM SO SORRY

 **hansolo:** not helping him out of the good of my heart or anything

 **hansolo:** but mingyu still owed me from the time i did his homework in business

 **hansolo:** so take me in place of seungcheol hyung

 **mingming:** U GODDAMN LEGEND

 **cheollie:** _saveddddddd_

 **mingming:** my trust in u is lost forever hyung

 **mingming:** goodbye our happy family

 **cheollie:** nuuiuuuuu

 **cheollie:** my son

 **fightme:** is there a cure for this

 **lemonfairy:** Rats poison

 **lemonfairy:** Or hydrochloric acid

 **lemonfairy:** Powder form or aqueous 

 **fightme:**  i was expecting bleach or something similar

 **lemonfairy:** I have a performance next week I can't kill myself

 **lemonfairy:** I'm a joy on this earth I can't die yet

 **hansolo:** same

 **hansolo:** remember

 **hansolo:** suicide is bad, homicide is better

 **fightme:** i wholeheartedly agree with your outlook on life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suicide and both homicide are bad don't do it.


	9. we're as low-key as the Secret Service MIA level spies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> idie: it's lee jihoon
> 
> summerday: (┛✧Д✧))┛彡┻━┻ (╯ರ ~ ರ）╯︵ ┻━┻
> 
> pricness: What
> 
> angelboi: oh my god
> 
> boowan: thats it im emigrating the fuck outta here
> 
> heiji: welcome to anarchy bitches
> 
> channi changes the chat's name to is this just fantasy is this the reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated this in a while, but I'm here now and I solved the mystery of the Folder on the Laptop. Please be kind to this mess of a chapter I'm trying to cram everything in the one place. 
> 
> If you see the reappearance of the term 'cunt' please understand it's a way Aussies communicate to their mates.
> 
> Usernames:  
> Mingyu: mingming  
> Jihoon: lemonfairy  
> Seungcheol: cheollie  
> Minghao: fightme  
> Hansol: hansolo  
> Chan: channi  
> Joshua: sua, pricness  
> Soonyoung: letmelive, idie  
> Seungkwan: boowan  
> Jeonghan: saved, heiji  
> Seokmin: angelboi  
> Junhui: summerday

**{Group chat: Mingyu is a sneaky reptile}**

**mimgming:** hey demons

 **mingming:** its me

 **mingming:** ya boy

 **fightme:** that is causing me pain and i have heard that meme in a total of three times

 **lemonfairy:** Where have you been all my life

 **lemonfairy:** You sensible human being

 **fightme:** i'm taken thanks

 **lemonfairy:** It was a proposition for adoption but sure

 **hansolo:** when do we leave and do i need to look like a human

 **mingming:** u look fine anyways

 **mingming:** no trackies 

 **mingming:** and no weird mayonnaise stains on yaself and ur gud

 **hansolo:** it was _one_ time

 **fightme:** please don't get into weird fights with anyone

 **fightme:** afl games are notorious for having all types of people

 **mingming:** its a cult

 **fightme:** stop

 **lemonfairy:** You can assess the population through a sports game

 **lemonfairy:** Statistically confirmed

 **cheollie:** w r we liek this

 **lemonfairy:** Shut up promise breaker no one asked you

 **mingming:** _boo_

 **hansolo:** don't give me that look hyung you brought this on yourself

 **cheollie:** all my friends r heathens~

 **lemonfairy:** How long does a murder sentence go for

 **fightme:** you're looking at around 20-ish years

 **fightme:** and a potential death roll

 **lemonfairy:** What about manslaughter?

 **fightme:** again, 20-ish years but no death roll

 **cheollie:** u guys r fucking terrifying together

 **fightme:** it's for the good of humanity, hyung

 **cheollie:** ofc it is mate

 

**{Group chat: jeonghan's brainwashing centre}**

**saved** changes their name to **heiji**

 **boowan:** debating on whether u mean the detective conan guy

 **boowan:** who is hot

 **boowan:** i would tap that

 **channi:** actually same

 **angelboi:** i thought he meant the japanese detective?

 **angelboi:** bald stripe down his head guy???

 **pricness:** From reading this chat I can tell who's into what exactly

 **channi:** we were all die hard anime fans at some point

 **summerday:** I smell some tea that Jeonghan hyung's not dropping

 **heiji:** you are right my sweet chinese angel child

 **summerday:** Hold on let me screenshot that so my boyfriend burst a capillary

 **boowan:**  #relationshipgoals

 **summerday:** He gets jealous over the smallest thing

 **summerday:** It's so funny to get a rile out of him

 **pricness:** Where is our dear Soonyoungie?

 **channi:** i got dis

 **channi:** 10 OUT OF 10

 **channi:** _**NAEGA HOSH**_

 **letmelive:** SHUT THE FUCK UP ITS KWON SOONYOUNG YA FUCKING CUNT

 **channi:** so aggro

 **pricness:** So Down Under-esque

 **heiji:** hey

 **heiji:** pal

 **heiji:** mate

 **heiji:** my dude

 **heiji:** my bro

 **heiji:** my hoe

 **pricness:** No

 **boowan:** hyung no

 **boowan:** stopppp ur tainting the babies

 **angelboi:** im older than u

 **boowan:** the _babies_

 **heiji:** so how come

 **heiji:** you never told us about

 **heiji:** your little secret hey 

 **heiji:** ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡͡ ° ͜ ʖ ͡ °)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

 **boowan:** how long did u wait to bust out those

 **summerday:** Let the man elaborate

 **summerday:** Tell us everything that you found out

 **letmelive:**  dont u dare u shitty cunt

 **heiji:** what are you going to do about it, huh?

 **letmelive:** come on

 **boowan:** soonyoung hyung

 **letmelive:** wut

 **boowan:** if ur uncomfortable we wont pry

 **angelboi:** we wont we wont  (◡‿◡✿)

 **channi:** oh

 **channi:** is dis u and ur boyfriend?

 **boowan:** BITCH DA FUCK

 **pricness:** Kwon Soonyoung

 **pricness:** The loudest mouth on campus

 **pricness:** Who announces what he has for breakfast everyday in the cafeteria

 **pricness:** On top of one of the big round tables

 **pricness:** So loud that the janitors know

 **pricness:** Has a boyfriend

 **pricness:** That none of us know about

 **channi:** if u put it liek that

 **channi:** seems kinda high-key impossible

 **letmelive:** LET ME EXPLAIN

 **angelboi:** it doesnt make any sense

 **angelboi:** hyung wut

 **letmelive:** no no child let me explain myself

 **boowan:** oh ur perky ass better

 **heiji:** nah nah cunt

 **heiji:** get the fuck out

 **heiji:** they're dating right

 **heiji:** and you can either keep the relationship private or the partner private

 **heiji:** this guy here's done both

 **letmelive:** bitch lemme explain

 **letmelive:** we're just low key

 **summerday:** You're more low key than me and Hao

 **summerday:** Because we're as low-key as the Secret Service MIA level spies

 **letmelive:** he doesnt liek publicity and pda

 **letmelive:** so i was happy to go along with it 

 **letmelive:** we're just taking it slow bc it hasnt been long since we told each other

 **angelboi:** but hyung

 **angelboi:** u tell at least one of us a secret at any given point in time

 **boowan:** one

 **angelboi:** of

 **heiji:** us

 **boowan:** boo hoo u damn disgrace

 **letmelive:** just bc yall dragging me doesnt give u the right to be disrespectful

 **letmelive:** im still hyung

 **channi:** u kinda broke the trust code

 **channi:** they could have ignored u

 **letmelive:** child

 **letmelive:** pls

 **letmelive:** im sorry children and friends and hyungs

 **letmelive:** just lemme adjust 

 **angelboi:** u are

 **angelboi:** in a relationship

 **angelboi:** right?

 **channi:** it's not a 

 **channi:** we're seeing each other but not dating situation

 **channi:** right?

 **summerday:** Heavens

 **letmelive:** no no

 **letmelive:** deffo going out

 **letmelive:** we told each other and everything

 **pricness:** Keeping it quiet must've been quite a feat

 **heiji:** I HAD TO FIND OUT VIA THAT FOLDER YOU HAD ON YOUR LAPTOP

 **heiji:** AND YOUR SLEEP TALKING ASS

 **pricness:** Are you stressed to the point that you sleep talk, Soonyoungie?

 **pricness:** We might be bitches but we're your friends at the end of the day

 **pricness:** Don't be afraid to tell us stuff

 **letmelive:** nah just the choreo's not gud

 **channi:** get out

 **channi:** he said that 3 wks ago too

 **channi:** WHEN WE GOT IT RITE

 **boowan:** so whos the lucky man

 **heiji:** oh you would not believe it

 **channi:** same

 **channi:** like

 **channi:** i saw them and i was liek

 **channi:** wow

 **channi:** wats next 

 **channi:** flying coins?

 **channi:** talking animals?

 **channi:** my average lifting to a 75%?

 **angelboi:** actually same

 **boowan:** ur not the only one dear

 **pricness:** It can't be someone we don't know

 **summerday:** I mean

 **summerday:** There are 6 of us

 **boowan:** and wonwoo hyung!

 **summerday:** There should be plenty of people that we know of collectively

 **letmelive** changes their name to **idie**

 **idie:** it's lee jihoon

 **summerday:** (┛✧Д✧))┛彡┻━┻     (╯ರ ~ ರ）╯︵ ┻━┻

 **pricness:** _What_

 **angelboi:** oh my god

 **boowan:** thats it im emigrating the fuck outta here

 **heiji:** welcome to anarchy bitches

 **channi** changes the chat's name to **is this just fantasy is this the reality**

 **pricness** changes their name to  **sua**

 **sua:** When you threatened him with the folder, Hannie

 **sua:** Was it this one?

 **heiji:** oh nah

 **heiji:** it was plans for wonwoo's birthday party

 **channi:** whos this hyung?

 **summerday:** Oh

 **summerday:** Wonwoo

 **summerday:** I've heard Mingyu mentioned him a few times

 **channi:** the last time u talked to mingyu hyung was when u ran away frm him cackling

 **channi:** with a pair of scissors

 **angelboi:** wonwoo hyung's been spending time with a new friend recently

 **angelboi:** i wonder who

 **summerday:** Look it doesn't matter because my bae is friends with Mingyu

 **heiji:** how coincidentally terrifying would it be if wonwoo is dating mingyu

 **summerday:** Nah they're not a thing yet whoever this guy with Mingyu is

 **summerday:** But they might as well be

 **summerday:** They're so boyfriends it hurts and heals me when I see them together

 **sua:** Interesting

 **sua:** So about that party

 **angelboi:** let's invite like 20 ppl and do it in jisoo hyung's backyard

 **sua:** Deal

 **heiji:** i ain't cooking

 **summerday:** Hao and I can help with that

 **boowan:** soz frens soonyoung hyung just nyoomed into my room liek armageddon's out the  door

 **boowan:** i can be decoy all g

 **boowan:** im going with wonwoo hyung for the footy

 **boowan:** maybe i can see who hes been mooching off to hang out with?

 **angelboi:** good luck

 **summerday:** You do that

 **heiji:** photos would be nice

 **boowan:** whos mingyu

 **summerday:**  Haohao has a lot of photos of him in his camera roll

 **channi:** uh y

 **summerday:** Mingyu low-key is a model and Hao does photography for cash

 **summerday:** Here

**summerday:**

**summerday:** I think this was when he was in high school

 **channi:** whoaaaa

 **channi:** prettyyyyy

 **angelboi:** so pure so soft

 **angelboi:** puppy boi

 **summerday:** He still looks the exact same

 **summerday:**  

**heiji:** must be nice

 **heiji:** not aging

 **heii:** in fucking 3 years

 **boowan:** hyung rmbr the babies

 **angelboi:** im sick of dis disrespect

 **sua:** He's really good looking

 **sua:** If Wonwoo-yah is going around with this one surely one of us must've noticed

 **boowan:** but hyung is so casual its almost subtle

 **channi:** that makes no sense

 **boowan:** his schedule always clashes with at least 4 of us

 **boowan:** and wen we're all free he already went on the date

 **angelboi:** imagine mingyu and wonwoo hyung together

**channi:**

**channi:** i call it

 **channi:** meanie

 **boowan:** wow so genius

 **sua:** Please stop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I watch Detective Conan and I can't just drop that in there.


	10. I saw Jihoon beat up some tall guy with a guitar once

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> summerday: I think if you declare bankruptcy right now the government will take care of your funeral needs in the situation of your death
> 
> boowan: is u a lawyer
> 
> summerday: No
> 
> summerday: But I have lawyer friends who I can access readily
> 
> heiji: brilliant
> 
> channi: dont think u can declare bankruptcy if u dont have a job hyung
> 
> heiji: i -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been away for like *looks at last date updated* 3 months
> 
> Oops.
> 
> I had exams and was trying to live a life. News flash, it does not work. News flash: please accept this peace offering
> 
> Usernames:  
> Mingyu: mingming  
> Jihoon: lemonfairy, jihoon  
> Seungcheol: cheollie  
> Minghao: fightme  
> Hansol: hansolo  
> Chan: channi  
> Joshua: sua  
> Seungkwan: boowan  
> Jeonghan: heiji  
> Seokmin: angelboi  
> Junhui: summerday

**{Text message: wonu}**

**redlightyoung:** can u pick up the milk

 **wonu:** Yes

 **wonu:** Why

 **redlightyoung:** i wanna eat cereal

 **wonu:** Have you checked carefully in the fridge?

 **redlightyoung:** u is rite i see it

 **wonu:** Anything else I should buy?

 **redlightyoung:** a sense of dignity and a time machine

 **wonu:** Ferrero Rocher and Guylian got it

 **wonu:** I'll buy five each

 **redlightyoung:** fck u but thank u

 **wonu:** Eat Kwannie's stack of Pringles under his bed

 **wonu:** I'll be back in ten minutes

 

**{Group chat: is this just fantasy is this the reality}**

**channi:** is soonyoung hyung ok

 **channi:** he jst left

 **channi:** he saw me 

 **channi:** den he screamed

 **channi:** then he fled

 **boowan:** dont u worry child hes always liek that

 **sua:** Accurate depiction of Soonyoung if I ever heard one

 **boowan:** and hes inside my place dw

 **boowan:** well hes hiding in wonwoo hyung's room but watever

 **heiji:** lee jihoon

 **heiji:** where do i buy cheap coffins

 **summerday:** I think if you declare bankruptcy right now the government will take care of your funeral needs in the situation of your death

 **boowan:** is u a lawyer

 **summerday:** No

 **summerday:** But I have lawyer friends who I can access readily

 **heiji:** brilliant

 **channi:** dont think u can declare bankruptcy if u dont have a job hyung

 **heiji:** i -

 **summerday:** I also have doctor friends if you need treatments for those burns

 **boowan:** chan is officially my fav child dont @ me

 **channi:** thanks?

 **sua:** Kwannie

 **angelboi:** we must all be ni-

 **angelboi:** OH  GME JHUIOWPFLKDM <QNB

 **boowan:** u gud

 **angelboi:** n O oo _OOOOO_

 **channi:** do u

 **channi:** need the helps

 **angelboi:** i needs the coffins

 **angelboi:** TELL YALL LATERSSWCF

 **sua:** I'm passing by I will check

 **sua:** Kwannie your double date thing with Wonwoo is today he just texted me

 **sua:** Be nice

 **summerday:** And tell us everything!

 **heiji:** i am alone and without friends

 **channi:** if i say i am ur child will u stop

 **heiji:** maybe

 **channi:** i am ur baby

 **channi:** jeonghannie hyung

 **heiji:** i am healed and revitalised

 **boowan:** ur skin is thicker thn leather and ur sense of shame up and left the minit it saw ur face

 **heiji:** how'd you think i survived life here hoe?

 **boowan:** wonwoo hyung is a gift compared to yall

 **boowan:** boo out

 **boowan:** if yall want to summon soonyoung hyung u all kno how to

 **channi:** pls leave

 

**{Group chat: Mingyu is a sneaky reptile}**

**lemonfairy** changes their name to **jihoon**

**cheollie is typing ...**

**jihoon:** Don't question it

 **cheollie:** i aint

 **cheollie:** i treasure my life

 **jihoon:** I will and can stab you with a pencil where it hurts don't you start with me Choi Seungcheol

 **fightme:** mingyu

 **fightme:** don't be weird in front of the guy's friend

 **hansolo:** what about me?

 **fightme:** you can fuck off i don't know you or care about you

 **hansolo:** i'm going to take that advice to heart and act out on it

 **mingming:** im all g

 **mingming:** its just the footy

 **mingming:** im cool

 **hansolo:** do you want a hug

 **mingming:** please

 **jihoon:** While you lot are being disgusting I am going to the studio if you need any supplies shoot me a text

 **cheollie:** strawberry milk

 **fightme:** i don't live here but can you get me these brushes from the chemist i'll send you the photo

 **mingming:** eggs and milk and chicken from tasman

 **jihoon:** You go change and pep talk yourself we can always go shopping some other time kid

 **mingming:** i lob u

 **jihoon:** No

 **hansolo:** and down he goes 

 **hansolo:** in despair too

 

**{Group chat: iis this just fantasy is this the reality}**

**sua:** Updates

 **sua:** Apparently Wonwoo's date is very tall

 **sua:** Seokminnie is being accosted by Lee Jihoon

 **channi:** how do u kno dis

 **sua:** I have a lot of eyes and ears everywhere

 **heiji:** he didn't do anything to him?

 **heiji:** oh god my poor pabo i must be with him at his dying moments i can't leave him

 **summerday:** Jihoon has a recording session today 

 **summerday:** Or so I heard

 **summerday:** And he's been going around asking singers to sing a sample of his songs so that he can find out who to record his final assignment with

 **sua:** Ah

 **sua:** Seokminnie and Seungkwannie did a duet at someone or another's party

 **sua:** It was supposedly impressive but I wasn't there therefore all I know is 'They were really good'

 **channi:** do u think he waited until one of us screwed with him and then made it seem like hes blckmailing us but instead he has good itnentions formt he shaert

 **channi:** *start soz im wlkaign

 **sua:** Knowing Jihoonie

 **sua:** Very likely

 **heiji:** am i forgiven?

 **summerday:** I saw Jihoon beat up some tall guy with a guitar once

 **summerday:** It was over a bagel

 **heiji:** i'll keep looking for my coffin

 

**{Group chat: Mingyu is a sneaky reptile}**

**hansolo:** OH MY FUCKING GOD KIM

 **hansolo:** YOU FUCKING IDIOT

 **hansolo:** YOU SHITTY CUNT

 **fightme:** what is happening

 **jihoon:** Please stop blowing up my phone

 **hansolo** changes the group name to KIM IS AN IDIOT

 **hansolo:** boy oh boy you dug this hole mate 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I WILL UPDATE MORE FREQUENTLY SINCE EXAMS FINISH PLEASE WAIT FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE


	11. the urge to commit homicide dies down pretty quickly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> capsicum tears: im only human i make blunders
> 
> succinct agony: i would understand if your blunder was something along the line of 'i left the light on' or 'i forgot to turn in my homework'
> 
> succinct agony: but 'i liked every single one of my crush's photos even from way back in 2013 to 2017 and hope there won't be any repercussions of my overzealous love' is breaching a new realm of stupid
> 
> cutesy jiji: Oh dear Christ above he's really good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hi, sorry for taking a while (I got into other fandoms - and wrote a lot for those fandoms - oops...)
> 
> I will not let this one go because it's funny!! So expect either really fast plot or really slow updates depending on how year 12 is going lmao rip me
> 
> As usual, the names:  
> Minghao: succinct agony,  
> Hansol: how bout no, hansolo  
> Seungcheol: capsicum tears, cheollie  
> Jihoon: jihoon, cutesy jiji

**{Group chat: KIM IS AN IDIOT}**

**hansolo** changes their name to **how bout no**

 **how bout no:** so

 **how bout no:** we were waiting for the dates

 **how bout no:** all decent and no questionable stains on our clothing

 **how bout no:** props to **@minghao**

 **fightme** changes their name to **succinct agony**

 **succinct agony:** no need

 **how bout no:** and when mingyu's date came with his plus one

 **how bout no:** i must break this into many parts because i am a mess right now

 **jihoon:** Sweetheart you are always a mess though

 **cheollie:** lay off the child hes under emotional duress 

 **succinct agony:** mean

 **jihoon:** Alright alright continue

 **how bout no:** anyways

 **how bout no:** 1\. date is very hot

 **how bout no:** 2\. plus one is super cute

 **how bout no** : 3. plus one seemingly recognises mingyu

 **how bout no** : 4. apparently mingyu stalked one of plus one's friends and they tracked him down, memorised his face for future blackmailing and this is the result

 **how bout no** : 5. plus one had screamed from afar the minute he spotted mingyu which i empathise with, honestly, a fat mood

 **how bout no** : 6. i made up some bullshit excuses about me being mutual friends with the plus one, took him away

 **how bout no:** 7\. did you know mingyu bought four seats but they're three rows apart and i thought i could never live to see the day where i would thank mingyu's stupidity but here i am at 20 doing just that

 **jihoon:** Dear lord all of this is one big mess

 **how bout no:** 8\. i took the date away and he was screaming in agony and i hate mingyu and essendon just score a goal what legends

 **cheollie:** i thot its half time now

 **how bout no:** yes and i am in the toilet

 **succinct agony** : and mingyu was doing what during all of this time?

 **how bout no:** HE WAS TOO BUSY STARING INTO HIS DATE'S EYES AND LAUGHING TO NOTICE MY SELFLESS ACTIONS

 **how bout no** : I DON'T THINK THE WAR CRY EMITTED BY THE FRIEND IS HEARD BY EITHER ONE OF THEM

 **how bout no:** I'M ONLY HERE FOR THE VIOLENCE ON THE FIELD NOT VIOLENCE IN THE STAND

 **how bout no:** THIS IS BASICALLY BABYSITTING

 **how bout no** : I DID NOT VOLUNTEER FOR THIS

 **how bout no** : also real talk the plus one is mad cute

 **jihoon:** There is too much going on here that I can't tell truly what is your line of thought

 **cheollie** changes their name to **cool dad**

 **cool dad:** we'll wait for mingyu to explain?

 **how bout no** : not good enough

 **jihoon:** We are talking about Mingyu here

 **jihoon:** Nothing about him is good enough

 **succinct agony:** oh dear

 **succinct agony** : what's left of him just went up in flames

 **jihoon:** Thank you

 **succinct agony** : only for the best

 **how bout no** : i'm in the toilet and trying to keep someone alive because he ate too much and now he's throwing up

 **how bout no** : i'm trying to hold a conversation with him but he looks like he could and would murder me and i'd rather not die in the mcg of all places

 **jihoon:** What did Mingyu even do to incite this deep-rooted rage?

 **succinct agony:** i am deeply angered at him all the time but i never tried to actively kill him

 **cool dad** : pls dont discuss murder to openly

 **succinct agony:** the urge to commit homicide dies down pretty quickly

 **succinct agony** : it's only a viable option for about a year or so, after that everything peters out to indifference and laziness

 **jihoon:** But did you not hurl chopsticks at him last night?

 **succinct agony** : the urge for torture and assault funnily, persists

 **succinct agony** : me as a creature of baser instincts, chose to indulge in those

 **how bout no** : he told me mingyu stalked all of jeonghan's photos all in ten minutes?

 **how bout no:** and the friend is super protective of jeonghan and he's convinced mingyu is a creep and doesn't deserve this date

 **how bout no:** which all in all is fair

 **jihoon:** I only know of Seungcheol's blunder

 **how bout no:** of course

 **how bout no** : we all do

 **jihoon** changes **cool dad's** nickname to **capsicum tears**

 **capsicum tears:** its been one year

**how bout no:**

**capsicum tears** changes **jihoon's** name to **cutesy jiji**

 **cutesy jiji:** I can and will destroy your dignity

 **succinct agony** : what am i missing

 **succinct agony** : it seems like there is an inside joke i am not getting

 **capsicum tears** : im super gay for jeonghan

 **succinct agony** : and water is wet

 **capsicum tears** : ur words burn u kno that

 **succinct agony** : why would mingyu of all people would go off and creep stalk jeonghan's instagram photos?

 **succinct agony** : would that not something seungcheol would do, of all likely candidate?

 **cutesy jiji:** Seungcheol when he first discovered that 

 **cutesy jiji:** a. Instagram exists

 **cutesy jiji:** b. His crush exists on that medium of social media

 **cutesy jiji:** c. He could express his love, among the many admirers that Jeonghan has, and be closer to him or something

 **cutesy jiji:** Proceeded to like all of Jeonghan's posts

 **how bout no:** all in one sitting

 **cutesy jiji:** Even the ones back in 2013 when Jeonghan obviously wasn't that popular 

 **succinct agony:** you do know

 **succinct agony:** people could see that someone is going through their instagram posts all at once liking everything 

 **succinct agony:** right...?

 **how bout no:** DING DING DONG

 **how bout no** : you won the jackpot of exposure

 **how bout no:** how do you feel?

 **succinct agony** : full of agony but that's the norm

 **how bout no:** mood honestly

 **how bout no:** WAIT

 **how bout no:** NO

 **cutesy jiji:** What now

 **how bout no:** OH NOW I REMEMBER

 **how bout no** : APOLOGIES TO MINGYU I HAD WRONGED YOU

 **cutesy jiji:** Since you...?

 **succinct agony** : i am very much confused

 **capsicum tears** : fking mood

 **cutesy jiji:** Shut up we're not done destroying you

 **capsicum tears** : im only human i make blunders

 **succinct agony:** i would understand if your blunder was something along the line of 'i left the light on' or 'i forgot to turn in my homework'

 **succinct agony** : but 'i liked every single one of my crush's photos even from way back in 2013 to 2017 and hope there won't be any repercussions of my overzealous love' is breaching a new realm of stupid

 **cutesy jiji:** Oh dear Christ above he's really good

 **how bout no:** AFTER SEUNGCHEOL MUCKED UP

 **how bout no:** MINNIE SAVED HIS ARSE

 **how bout no** : MINGYU VALIANTLY LIKED ALL OF JEONGHAN'S PHOTOS ALSO IN ONE SITTING AND ALL TRACES OF SEUNGCHEOL LIKING THE PICS VANISHED INTO THIN AIR

 **succinct agony:** that's

 **succinct agony:** almost smart

 **cutesy jiji** : Ah that

 **cutesy jiji:** You'll have to give him credit for that

 **cutesy jiji:** That was fully smart

 **how bout no** : oh no the plus one is up and kicking, talk to you all later

 **how bout no:** xo

 **succinct agony:** seungcheol you must know

 **succinct agony** : my opinions of you are increasingly diminishing with every passing day

 **capsicum tears:** LET ME WALLOW IN MY BLUNDERS IN PEACE WHY DONT U

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IF ANYONE WOULD LIKE TO SUPPORT ME PLEASE HOP ONTO THIS CHARITY LINK
> 
> https://ko-fi.com/jarofactonbell
> 
>  
> 
> (until next time!)


	12. u gotta own up to ur gay feels dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mingming: u gotta own up to ur gay feels dad
> 
> mingming: as ur awkward but gayer son, i feel that it is my duty
> 
> capsicum tears: I COULD JUST PRETEND I DONT HAVE FEELINGS
> 
> succinct agony: i wouldn't recommend that
> 
> how bout no: sounds painful and hassling
> 
> jihoon: The news is I am coming whether I like it or not
> 
> jihoon: I will attend, but I will whine a lot like the 'bitch' that I am
> 
> capsicum tears: HOW COULD U FORSAKE ME DIS WAY
> 
> succinct agony: i saw some shirts mingyu took photos of inside your closet
> 
> succinct agony: i started simple collages, do take your pick from these five selections

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi yes, I have a 3 months curse or something - back at it again after 3 months ish, but no fear, I am here now, I am a Cool Bean and up to date with memes
> 
> When will Wonwoo get a good phone? I guess he never will. I have friends who I would trust with my phone and texting in my stead 1000% so that is what I imagine this would be - Wonwoo on Soonyoung's phone and handing them back to Soonyoung in a Blanket Burrito only when he's truly needed - otherwise he's figuring out Seokmin's slang and roasting everyone effortlessly with Josh
> 
> Names:  
> Soonyoung and Wonwoo who share a phone: good grief  
> Joshua: suave  
> Chan: channi  
> Seokmin: a good bean  
> Junhui: dirty liar  
> Jeonghan: glorified objectification, heiji  
> Seungkwan: KILL JEONGHAN, im calm but dont touch me  
> Hansol: how bout no, vernonhan  
> Seungcheol: capsicum tears  
> Minghao: succinct agony  
> Mingyu: mingming, mingoo

**{Group chat: is this just fantasy is this the reality}**

**idie** changes their name to **good grief**

 **good grief** : Hello all

 **heiji:** that is not soonyoungie our cute dumb barbie

 **good grief:** He wanted to say that

 **good grief:** Ahem

 **sua** changes their name to **suave**

 **suave:** You're the dumb Barbie 

 **good grief:** Yes, those are the exact words

 **good grief** : If anyone would be so inclined to visually depict the tone of voice and facial expression, it would be much helpful

 **angelboi** changes their name to **skr skr**

 **summerday** changes **heiji's** name to **glorified objectification**

 **glorified objectification** changes **summerday's** name to **dirty liar**

 **dirty liar** changes **skr skr** to **a good bean**

 **a good bean** : w h y     can t      i      pul l             u p

 **a good bean** : ne x t       t o         so m eone

 **glorified objectification:** oh josh stop him

 **suave:** My dear, sweet Seokmin.

 **a good bean** : srry

 **suave:** All fine, my young one

 **dirty liar** : Sorcery

 **good grief:** Have we calmed down?

 **suave:** I forgot to say hi

 **suave:** Hello Wonwoo

 **good grief** : Hi hyung

 **glorified objectification:** JEON WONWOO???

 **a good bean** : HYUNG HYUNG HYUNG HYUNG HYUNG HYUNG  HYUNG HYUNG HYUNG 

 **good grief:** Yes, hello dear

 **dirty liar** : I don't believe we are acquainted

 **channi:** i just got stepped on by my roommate rushing back

 **good grief** : Yes

 **good grief:** I don't know you two

 **boowan** changes their name to **KILL JEONGHAN**

 **KILL JEONGHAN:** YOON

 **KILL JEONGHAN:** JEONG

 **KILL JEONGHAN:** FUCKING

 **good grief** : Kwannie

 **KILL JEONGHAN** : HI HYUNG

 **KILL JEONGHAN** : IM BUSY

 **channi:** my roommate also called someine 

 **channi:** i quote

 **channi:** a [redacted] whore

 **dirty liar:** You know that 'whore' is a harsher word than whatever redacted word you've stashed away, right?

 **channi:** ....

 **channi:** shit ur rite

 **a good bean:** ur roommate sounds angry

 **channi:** i think its the roommate, tho i cant be sure

 **channi:** he has a lot of friends

 **KILL JEONGHAN:** YO HAN

 **KILL JEONGHAN:** U ABSOLUTE TWAT

 **KILL JEONGHAN:** U NEVER TOLD ME

 **KILL JEONGHAN** : THAT KIM MINGYU WAS ACTING IN THE STEAD OF HIS MATE

 **KILL JEONGHAN** : I FELT SO STUPID 

 **KILL JEONGHAN** : I WAS READY TO

 **good grief:** Oh he told me that

 **good grief** : It was appropriately funny

 **KILL JEONGHAN** : U TWO R SO CUTE R U DATING

 **good grief** : Soon enough

 **good grief** : Something will happen

 **good grief** : channi ur roommate is an ass movw in wiht us soon

 **channi:** thanks soonyoung hyung

 **a good bean** : naega hosh

 **good grief:** STOP CALLING ME TAHT

 **suave:** How sad

 **KILL JEONGHAN** : alexa play despacito

 **suave:** That didn't go where I intended it to but I welcome your input

 **dirty liar:** How chaotic

 **dirty liar:** This is such an active boom of the group chat

 **dirty liar:** Wonwoo, I'm Junhui

 **dirty liar:** A friend of many 

 **suave:** He is irreplacable

 **suave:** We've integrated him into our social circle

 **good grief:** I've no objection to that

 **good grief:** I'm Wonwoo 

 **dirty liar:** I have heard of you and your bookish ways

 **good grief:** If that sentence had stemmed from anyone else, I would've been worried.

 **a good bean:** u put out a full stop tho

 **channi:** ur like 30% wary

 **KILL JEONGHAN** : yea but hes not rendered shitlessly scared by the sentence

 **glorified objectification:** we would never spread false words against you, dear

 **good grief:** I know, that's why I wasn't as concerned

 **good grief:** My face is hated upon by many around campus

 **suave:** Is this because of the monolids and resting bitch face?

 **good grief** : yes

 **dirty liar:** That is rude and low

 **KILL JEONGHAN:** lemme fite 'em

 **channi:** how brave

 **channi:** alexa play how far i'll go

 **a good bean:** a remix!

 **dirty liar** : Wonwoo 

 **dirty liar** : I too am a bookworm

 **dirty liar:** I shall embrace you when we have physical meetups

 **good grief** : Do you have any classes in the lit domain at all?

 **dirty liar:** Yes! Asian literature! I'm also doing biomed!

 **channi:** fudge cakes

 **a good bean** : ur a smort bean

 **glorified objectification:** Sua literally is an intern at Alfred, guys come on

 **good grief:** I don't understand how you're doing it

 **suave:** Me neither

 **suave:** I haven't been alive ever since first year

 **channi:** big Mood

 **channi:** and im not even doing med

 **a good bean:** alexa play the wii music

 **KILL JEONGHAN** : OMF JEONGJEONG TELL ME SHIT NXT TIME PLSS I TRIED TO HURT A GUY

 **glorified objectification:** DID WE KNOW THAT WEN JUNHUI IS A FIT BEAN WHO RUNS VERY FAST

 **suave:** Yes

 **channi:** obvsly

 **a good bean** : we been knew?

 **channi:** sis?

 **good grief:** N]no

 **channi:** no sis im srry

 **dirty liar:** Do not change the subject you dirty slug

 **dirty liar:** Oh my boyfriend just texted me

 **dirty liar:** I need to take his call

 **glorified objectification:** no stay

 **channi:** :'((((((

 **dirty liar:** If I don't he'll think I'm dead

 **KILL JEONGHAN** changes their name to **im calm but dont touch me**

 **im calm but dont touch me:** also goddamn wonwoo hyung u got a hot date

 **good grief:** Mingyu said thank you

 **a good bean:** how many ppl r u storing @ ur place

 **suave:** What a perfect representation of modern text slang

 **good grief:** Only Soonyoung and Seungkwan is coming back

 **good grief** : Mingyu is texting me as well and he's receiving live updates from this group chat

 **channi:** oh i kno mingming

 **channi:** an idiot

 **channi:** so tall

 **suave:** We all have heard of him before

 **suave:** Oddly enough he's different than what I would imagine

 **good grief:** One would think he's intimidating

 **channi:** yeah

 **channi:** but hes not rlly

 **a good bean:** hes like

 **a good bean** : a big dog

 **channi:** a good dog

 **im calm but dont touch me:** a good boi

 **im calm but dont touch me:** can i keep the plus one

 **im calm but dont touch me** : hes cuter

 **good grief:** Knock yourself out

 **im calm but dont touch me:** his name is hansol and he has a youtube channel its adorable when he smiles

 **suave:** Aw

 **suave:** Baby is in love

 **im calm but dont touch me:** how bold of u to assume i feel love

 **a good bean** : *baby is fancying...someone?

 **im calm but dont touch me:** ill take that

 **channi:** can hoshi yoshi come back?

 **good grief:** do u have the foods

 **a good bean** : we have the foods

 **suave:** I am making the foods

 **glorified objectification:** i shall even feed you the foods

 **good grief:** My time to go

 **channi:** oh nuuu

 **a good bean** : see u tomoz hyung ~~~

 **suave:** Later

 **glorified objectification** : laters, baby

 **channi:** was that what i think it is

 **good grief:** Goodbye hyung I hope you suffer

 **good grief:** woo left

 **good grief:** also jeonghan u disgusting slug

 **good grief:** u bane of humanity

 **good grief** : u disgrace on all the cows

 **channi:** i liked wonwoo hyung

 **good grief:** one day he will get a good phone

 **good grief:** and one day he will DOWNLOAD shit srry this app

 **suave:** How dare you swear

 **channi:** yeet

 **dirty liar:** Seungkwan? Check your DMs

 **im calm but dont touch me:** sure

 **channi:** dont leave us again soonyoung hyung

 **a good bean:** yea we missed u

 **glorified objectification** : we can stop teasing you

 **suave:** Come back and we'll have a big group hug

 **dirty liar** : Let me join too

 **good grief:** thATs so disgusting

 **good grief:** but okay pls hug

 

**{New group chat}**

**junhui:** Merry Christmas

 **seungkwan:** what

 **vernonhan:** oh

 **minghao:** what is this, junhui?

 **mingoo:** yeeahhhh

 **mingoo:** i wanted us all to get tofether

 **mingoo:** *together

 **junhui:** You never said why

 **minghao:** and you didn't care to ask?

 **vernonhan:** .

 **vernonhan:** hey seungkwan

 **minghao:** don't

 **seungkwan:** yeet

 **mingoo:** yeet (2)

 **junhui:** I hope Mingyu is happy

 **mingoo:** very

 **minghao:** i want to leave

 **junhui:** You can't

 **junhui:** You're going down with us

 **mingoo:** i wanted us all to bond bc we all similar enuff in ages

 **minghao:** can i rudely decline?

 **seungkwan:** dont be rude mate

 **vernonhan:** rip

 **vernonhan:** dont be rude mate (2)

 **junhui:** Stay with me

 **minghao:** fine

 **mingoo:** also i gathered yall here just to gossip abt jeongcheol

 **vernonhan:** n ooooooo

 **junhui:** Tell me more

 **minghao:** gosh

 **minghao:** why

 **seungkwan:** shut up naggy bf i wanna heaer

 

**{Group chat: KIM IS AN IDIOT}**

**mingming** changes the chat's name to **STOP BULLYING KIM**

 **mingming:** so guess wot

 **mingming:** i made a new friend

 **how bout no:** and a new boyfriend

 **mingming:** dont be ridiculous weve been seeing each other for  a while u dont eed tp worry abt us

 **mingming:** but guess wot

 **capsicum tears** : MY SON

 **jihoon:** Good grief

 **mingming:** hi dad hi hyung

 **mingming:** we meeting with jeonghan's squad dis long holiday

 **mingming:** u have to come

 **jihoon:** All of us?

 **succinct agony:** if i am coming, you are too

 **capsicum tears:** WAIT BUT WHY

 **jihoon:** What a ridiculous notion

 **jihoon:** Mutual suffering

 **jihoon:** I decline

 **jihoon:** Ah

 **jihoon:** I need to take this call, do proceed

 **mingming:** u gotta own up to ur gay feels dad

 **mingming:** as ur awkward but gayer son, i feel that it is my duty

 **capsicum tears:** I COULD JUST PRETEND I DONT HAVE FEELINGS

 **succinct agony** : i wouldn't recommend that

 **how bout no:** sounds painful and hassling

 **jihoon:** The news is I am coming whether I like it or not

 **jihoon:** I will attend, but I will whine a lot like the 'bitch' that I am

 **capsicum tears** : HOW COULD U FORSAKE ME DIS WAY

 **succinct agony:** i saw some shirts mingyu took photos of inside your closet

 **succinct agony:** i started simple collages, do take your pick from these five selections

 **jihoon:** Best if you just surrender yourself to it

 **jihoon:** Even I have to as well

 **capsicum tears** : THIS IS BETRAYAL

 **how bout no** : oh these shoes in novo are on sale

 **jihoon:** Rivers

 **how bout no:** deal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me memes on cc or Twitter so I can put them in here next
> 
> (ending in maybe...3 chapters? yay? nay?  
> t e l l m e i n c o m m e n t s)
> 
>  
> 
> [TALK TO ME ON TWITTER](https://twitter.com/jarofactonbell)  
> [A PENNY FOR YOUR STARVING ARTIST](https://ko-fi.com/jarofactonbell)  
> [LOOK IT'S CURIOUS CAT FIND ME TALK TO ME](https://curiouscat.me/jenny_benny)

**Author's Note:**

> I need comments to survive. And kudos.


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